Is this verbal abuse ?
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| Mon, 11-14-2005 - 4:45pm |
I would like to think that this is probably just a stressful
moment . But can this be a start to abuse ? I hope not.
Just a couple of incidents. My daughter is 4.5 months old.
When she was 3 months old, my DH yelled at her "STOP IT NOW"
with her in his arms, when she was frantically chewing his shirt
but refusing to drink milk (She has acid reflux, that could be
the reason for her not drinking yet, sucking on his shirt)
I felt bad, because the tiny baby does not know how/what to Stop.
Recently, we had gone out, and while coming back, she just would not
stop crying, refused to take the pacifier or her chew toys. my DH
was driving and he really yelled at her "WHY DONT YOU SHUT UP"
After I got home, I made him say sorry to her. But I could not resist
crying, because the little one doesnt know how to tell why she is
crying.
My Dh is known to be a real nice guy to everyone, especially girls.
He is too nice to them always trying to please them and seems to
really like girls as such. But, he is not nice to his Mom or me.
He is nice as long as he is not in stress. The is moment he is
stresses due to some reason, he is yelling, behaves physically indimidating
(like he charges up to me, as if he is going to beat me up) He raised his
hand at me several times. But thanks to '911' fear he has. He stops the
moment I say I will call 911.
I cant say I am perfect either. I had yelled at him and used 4 letters
when we fight. But nowadays I have learnt to leave him yelling so, I dont
get to the level of yelling back. And I cant imagine using bad words before
the kid or towards the kid.
Does what he does considered verbal abuse ? What should I do if that continues ?
We are going to couples therapy . Should I mention this to her ? Or will this
trigger a CPS involvement anytime ?
thanks
Spea

(((Spea)))
Welcome to our board! I'm sure you'll find lots of support and information here. As far as whether or not you are experiancing verbal abuse, check out this link: http://www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm. IMHO, I would say that he is being abusive. First of all, yelling at the baby. I have a 4 month old myself (born July 2) and also a 4 yo and a 2 yo. My final straw was seeing what my STBX was doing to the boys and how they were being affected by what was going on. I didn't want them to EVER feel the way I did when he was so mean to me. My 4 yo DS would say, "Daddy, you stop being mean to my mommy! You made her cry again!"
Not only is he yelling at you and your daughter, but he is using physical intimidation. Right now he is afraid of you calling 911, but you never know when he will no longer fear this. If he gets mad enough he's not going to care, and then it will be too late for you and your DD.
If you choose to bring this up to your marriage therapist do it alone, not when he is around. Marriage therapy is not reccommended for people in abusive situations. STBX and I did it for a while and it did help with our communication, however, abuse was never discussed. An abuser will take your words and twist them around. Often, they can even fool the therapist into believing that he was justified or that the incident either didn't happen or you exaggerated it. Have you thought at all about individual counseling? I would highly reccommend it. If it hadn't been for my wonderful individual therapist I would have never gotten the courage to leave my abusive STBX. BTW, it was almost all verbal and emotional abuse. He only actually put his hands on me a few times, but I was lucky. HTH! *hugs*
Thanks for understanding. Yes, I am defenetly afraid of him in
several ways. He is very intimidating. But he appears to be a wonderful
adorable person to every one around. I can not understand how he manages
to do that. At the family therapist, he shows off by giving really good lectures
from the relationship books he read - like he beleives in good communication
and to respect each others view - to agree to disagress and all that - some of
which I told him. It comes as a shock to me that he portrays himself as a
great person.
He is always trying to tell me that I am somehow mentally in a bad state and
that I am depressed and all that. I asked my Gynecologist if I have postpartum
depression - she said I talk and look well like like a normal person - she did not
suspect any depression. But somehoe my DH is always telling me there is something
wrong with me :-(
Our counsellor thinks he does not like his Mom and is treating me like
he would treat her. My Dh is mad at that conclusion. But we have to go to
another session to see how it goes.
I want to mention his behaviour towards my daughter to her - but I am afraid
she might call CPS and somehow am afraid of losing my daughter I love the most... :-(
Thanks for listening
spea
Welcome, Hppy.