VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE
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VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE
| Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:46am |
It's like this. We were together for 6+ years. We kinda/ sorta broke up in 2005, too much bad history he cheated, i cheated. He told me he was leaving for Ireland for 3 months, so in one lusty heated night i got pregnant and he was off to Ireland. He told me while he goes to Ireland he will think about what he wants with us, blah, blah, blah! Meanwhile, dumb little me is still in love with the man. I found out i was prego, 3 weeks after he had left. I told him over the phone and i was mortified! I didn't want to raise a child in this rotten relationship, that had turned so ugly in recent years. On top of that i was living with my mother at the time i was prego; who loved having a grandchild, just not by him!!!
My mother got sick of my nasty moods being prego with twins my hormones had me sick. I wanted to vomit all over everything! Anyway, my mother wasn't as supportive as i thought she would be, basically saying FU and F the unborn baby (twins became one). She said i needed to get out of her house. Well, he did not like that and said that he didn't want the baby living in that house. I agreed for the baby's sake. Now, the baby is 11 months old and i am living with my ex-boyfriend, who barely talks to me and when he does it is to critize everything i do. I am not the mother he thought i would be, I am lazy, I am getting too fat, the house is a mess (he is very anal), blah, blah, blah. Laughing at me at times, and i catch him starring at me in a kinda disgusted way. He says he can't stand me and that i should go! I say he should go and it has been like this since we moved in together August 2005. I know he doesn't love me anymore and maybe i don't love him either. This doesn't seem healthy for a child to grow up in this kind of environment.
I once was so annoyed with him, with his complaining about me i told him to leave me alone 5 times, he didn't! I went to get the baby's milk and gave it to him to feed the baby. He squirts the milk on my arm and says this is hot are your f-ing stupid? It was not hot to my knowledge, i tested it before i gave it to him. Anyway, he freaks out and grabs a knife from the kitchen, he doesn't go for my throat (he looked like the devil at this point) he goes for my favorite yankees jacket and shreds it up infront of the baby!!!
OMG, i was so freaking angry and a bit scarred and i couldn't believe he was doing this infront of my boy! I am stuck in this whole mess and i am looking for a way out, help!!! I don't make much money and i live in NY. I have been applying for low-income housing for months and nothing has come up yet. I don't know how much longer i can take this without losing my mind!
My mother got sick of my nasty moods being prego with twins my hormones had me sick. I wanted to vomit all over everything! Anyway, my mother wasn't as supportive as i thought she would be, basically saying FU and F the unborn baby (twins became one). She said i needed to get out of her house. Well, he did not like that and said that he didn't want the baby living in that house. I agreed for the baby's sake. Now, the baby is 11 months old and i am living with my ex-boyfriend, who barely talks to me and when he does it is to critize everything i do. I am not the mother he thought i would be, I am lazy, I am getting too fat, the house is a mess (he is very anal), blah, blah, blah. Laughing at me at times, and i catch him starring at me in a kinda disgusted way. He says he can't stand me and that i should go! I say he should go and it has been like this since we moved in together August 2005. I know he doesn't love me anymore and maybe i don't love him either. This doesn't seem healthy for a child to grow up in this kind of environment.
I once was so annoyed with him, with his complaining about me i told him to leave me alone 5 times, he didn't! I went to get the baby's milk and gave it to him to feed the baby. He squirts the milk on my arm and says this is hot are your f-ing stupid? It was not hot to my knowledge, i tested it before i gave it to him. Anyway, he freaks out and grabs a knife from the kitchen, he doesn't go for my throat (he looked like the devil at this point) he goes for my favorite yankees jacket and shreds it up infront of the baby!!!
OMG, i was so freaking angry and a bit scarred and i couldn't believe he was doing this infront of my boy! I am stuck in this whole mess and i am looking for a way out, help!!! I don't make much money and i live in NY. I have been applying for low-income housing for months and nothing has come up yet. I don't know how much longer i can take this without losing my mind!

You need to get out of there and quick. Is there a relative who can take you in temporarily until you get subsidized housing? Your mom? Someone else? Maybe you should let your mom know what's going on and ask her if you can come back temporarily. This environment is dangerous for you and your son. He sounds like a maniac. One minute he's cutting up your jacket, the next time it maybe you!
Please leave. Even if you have to go to a shelter. This is a very unhealthy and unstable environment that you're in. Don't let your son grow up to be like his father. By him seeing how that man is treating you, he'll grow up and think it's okay to treat women that way because he saw daddy treat mommy this way. You owe it your son to protect him and keep him safe.
He won't change. Even if he says he will and says he will get help, he won't unless you actually see it with your own eyes. If you don't do it for you, do it for your son.
It's time to go- next time the jacket could be YOU, and then what will your baby do?
A good place to begin is by checking out our board website, accessible through the link on the Start page. Also, start calling DV shelters. A factor in your favor is that you live in a major metropolitan area, so you will have some choice in shelters. Do keep us updated on how all that goes.
jojo,
You do not have to go through this alone. You are absolutely right to be frightened not only for yourself but for your son. you MUST GET AWAY!!!!! There should be the number for a women's shelter near you. You should also call the local police department, they are trained for just this kind of thing. You don't have to have them come to the house. All you have to do is ask them where the nearest battered women's shelter is. You didn't do a profile so I am not able to find out for you where there is a shelter. DO NOT WAIT!!!!!! The next time he picks up the knife, it will be for you! I had myself convinced that my ex would never come after me. HOW WRONG I WAS!!! I was very lucky. He was a big man so he picked up the sofa and flung it at me like it was nothing more than a pile of rags. He then began to chase me with the butcher's knife! I ran from the house like my life dependend on it, which it did. I ran barefoot in my nightgown down the street until a lovely old couple stopped and let me in the car and took off with him still chasing on foot! When I returned with the police he had passed out. There was no doubt in my mind or in the cop's mind that he would have killed me! (On a happy note, I ended up marrying that cop and we have a lovely family together.) PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE VERBAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSE FROM ANYONE!!!You end up showing your baby that this is acceptable behavior. I know this is not what you want him to learn. Before his memories start to shape, get away from that house and that man.
Please let me know how it goes.
Love,
Kim