verbal not so bad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
verbal not so bad?
11
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 4:56pm

Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone out there has either left,or is planning on leaving just because of verbal/emotional abuse?

It's been going on for at least 13yrs. I think I was too young to realize what I was getting into(at age 15). Now, we have 4 kids and I want out. I told him i don't feel the same about him anymore. He can't understand how I could be telling him this. Says I'm going to break up this beautiful family. He says he will do ANYTHING to keep me..go to counseling,church,etc.(2months ago he refused counseling and made me stop going).

He says he's never done anything too dramatic to me. He doesn't beat me. He says this verbal abuse thing is ridiculous--says 'verbal abuse? what's that?' making it seem like it's not so bad.

He has been on his best behavior for at least 3 months(except 1 or 2 slip-ups. Overall, I do notice a change in the way he treats me. I don't know if this change will stay, or if he just wants me to think he's changing.

What if he changes completly, and I still don't get my feelings for him back?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 1:38pm

Thank you - I will make that list. I don't know how I woke up,but I am so glad I did.

I think the anxiety I feel is when he calls to check on kids, it is to check on me instead or to "cry" on the phone. He tells me he loves me, but I do not say it back and I have anxiety about that.

I have anxiety because I will have to tell him it is over and we need a divorce and I am afraid he will then pull out all of the emotional abuse stops - blaming and all of those things to try to persuade me otherwise.

So I will get my ducks in a row first - attorney and such - before I approach so I feel like I have strength and knowledge before I get bombarded with his resentment and guilt crap he likes to lay down.

Last night was the first night I had a hard time sleeping. Probably because I read that book before I went to bed and didn't give myself time to wind down. Thank you again for your words.

I know it will be better. It has to be. I can no longer live in this "reality" he has created for me. I like that line - "I reject you reality and insert mine." That is my choice now. This is all change for the good and for the best and ultimately for the peace I will find at the end of this journey. For that I am grateful.

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