Violated Protective Order - within 48hrs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Violated Protective Order - within 48hrs
15
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 11:01am

Filed protective order. they finally found and served him 8/2 8:13am
I recieved this message today at 8:11 this morning from his work email:

I cant believe you do this to me, so i am charging you also with
adultery, assult and battery and harrasment, all evidence will be shown
to the court. And also, dont forget to bring your family. A cop will be
there to gave this charges to you....how could you M.

-- i called sherrif and they will be issuing warrant and getting him at work today
i never harrassed.. assault/battery was fighting back.. adultery - that's news to me.

when i filed i spoke with counselor who said he will do anything to get back or prove innocent - signs of abuser to turn things around? Also i have hospital assault record from Jan - that's all i have, but constant emails from fam of what he's done in writing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 11:37am

This isn't unusual at all, and you did the right thing by reporting it immediately. Be very sure to keep doing so if they let him back out, because right now is a time at which abusers can be very dangerous. They realize they've finally blown it, and they react in the only way they know how, violence.

Don't pay any attention to what he had to say. Think of it like Charlie Brown's teacher, "blah blah blah blah...". Because, odds are, he doesn't actually THINK any of it, and it wouldn't matter if he did. What he wants is to lash out at you and, in his idea of a best-case scenario, get you to thinking that maybe he's right, drop the charges, and come back so he can dish out more. These are just the particular words he has chosen as part of his tactic.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:52pm
sherrif called.
they arrested him at work and held without bond
hearing within 3 days
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:49pm

That is good news! Make sure that you find out when/if he will get out, so you can know when he will be back on the street and be prepared.

And, a big WAY TO GO to you for reporting that violation ASAP. We get a lot of women here who, out of good intentions (don't want him arrested in front of the kids, don't want him fired, whatever) don't report them immediately, and that impulse, while understandable, is a bad idea. It makes the police think you aren't REALLY afraid of him, and may cause difficulties in getting future RO's and prosecutions. YAY for you for reporting!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:24pm

Ditto to what Skycat said. You want to call the jail and ask to be listed on the victim notifications list so that if and when he gets out they will contact you via cell or home phone. Have a safety plan in mind also just in case he is more agitated when he gets out.

-Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:25pm
I am also glad to hear you reported him right away. Stay strong. I am one of those who did not report my husband right away, although I made sure that it was known he was violating the order and continue to keep a log of all contact. Luckly, the police and judge didn't hold that against me. He is now in jail till May. Bad thing is he has even called me from jail. Besides the obvious control issues, I also think this is his way to stale the divorce. Good for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 4:44pm

Hugs, I posted to you on the sister board, New Beginnings. Just wanted to let you know that there is a web site (www.vinelink.com) where most counties in all states have inmate info, including county facilities. You can search by name or inmate #. Vinelink is Victim Information Network, you can also sign up to be contacted when he is released.

Good luck!

Liz

(cl's - sorry I didn't ask first about posting the link, but I have posted it before so I though it would be okay), I have found it to be a helpful resource.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 3:38pm

thank u all of support here

they did picke him up yest at work. No bail. Now turned to criminal violation since it was civil protective order. He showed up with judge today and was informed minimum 90 days, no bail, pending another bail request on 5/8. Magistrate is suggestting maximum 12mo months due to violation and next other pending assault charge. guess he lost job then.

All from just sending dang email and violating it.

His mom/sis left voice message crying. they just dont know what hell he's put me through.
She said she loves me as her daughter..yadayada.. but not putting up with this anymore.
it's now outa my hands.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 7:32am

I dont believe this.
Sherriff Victim unit contacted me.
Unsure what happened and they were surprised.. but he was released last night on a $5,000 recognance bond pending court date 5/9. Now, who knows what's gonna happen with me.

Anyway - I can't believe this. What's the use of a protective order when they violate it and out within not even a week. I know him, and his friends, something may happen or occur. I am planning on getting away this weekend.

I use to see someone who is like a best friend and am going to just go get away and relax this weekend. I am staying with my sis and her family and I dont want any trouble there. Now it's like I'm on eggshells again.

I feel like crying. He's emotionally at me constantly when we were together, so I am hoping I can try to get through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 11:15am
Sadly, this isn't all that unusual. This is why we were cautioning you to make sure that you know when he gets out, because honestly, I was expecting this. I think that the idea to get away this weekend is a good one, and make SURE you keep reporting any and all violations of the RO. If he does it again, they can pick him back up, and with any luck he will stay put the next time.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 11:24am

5/8 is his hearing on this protective order thing violation.... is that just gonna be a slap on the hand and that's it? what's use if just pick/up/arrest/and out again?

I guess need to call magistrate and find out why the heck the assault warrant not yet done too..

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