WAFFLES!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2010
WAFFLES!
11
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 10:11am

Ok it's finally the time to get ready for the big move and I am waffling big time. Not on whether to go or not, just on the timing. My sister in law has a new baby boy and this will be his first christmas and she has asked me if I could wait til after christmas so we can all be together for one last christmas. I dont know what to do. I was already kind of leaning towards waiting and now I really am. It would give me a little more time to get things in order at the house as well as waiting would be good in that my girls would be out of school and it would give them an adjustment period. It would have to be the monday after christmas for it to work that way though. HMMMMM! I dont know what to do. Guess I need to really do some thinking and discuss it with my girls. Ugh I hate this!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
In reply to: swtbabyray
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 11:24am

What kind of Christmas will it be with your girls keeping that huge secret?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: swtbabyray
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 1:15pm

I think that's pretty ballsy of her to suggest you wait after all this planning just for her benefit.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: swtbabyray
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 7:36am
Swt, I'm with the others, she's asking an awful lot of you. Perhaps if you took a few minutes to explain to her why it has to be this way? A baby's first Christmas is always important, but not to the baby, lol! You've put everyone and everything else in front of your own needs and desires for a long time now. IMO, that's just NOT a big enough reason to delay your freedom plans. It may cause some hurt feelings, but sometimes that just can't be avoided. That's why I suggest talking to her and explaining. Good luck and keep us posted.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: swtbabyray
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 10:57am

Ok..some folks may spam me for this..but here is my question to you ..is Christmas pretty big for you and the kids?I wouldn't make the decision solely on SIL but on yourself and your kids.

Make a pros/cons list.

If you were to leave now, would it mean having a tug and war for the kids that day? I mean would he come on strong and insist that the kids spend time with his family? How do you feel about splitting christmas day with your kids being away? I know this all comes with divorce but it will take some time to divvy up the holidays.

So would it create a big turmoil on christmas day? If you think the day is very important to you and your kids, perhaps it may be better to wait until right after christmas before the big kahuna...

Remember we can only say go for it or not go for it. But you have to do what YOU think will work for you. If you do decide to wait after christmas, make a resolve that you will leave right after and not after new year, which will become, after easter, after summer, after another christmas...so you need to make a resolve and stick with it. Good luck.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: swtbabyray
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 10:58am

Ok..some folks may spam me for this..but here is my question to you ..is Christmas pretty big for you and the kids?I wouldn't make the decision solely on SIL but on yourself and your kids.

Make a pros/cons list.

If you were to leave now, would it mean having a tug and war for the kids that day? I mean would he come on strong and insist that the kids spend time with his family? How do you feel about splitting christmas day with your kids being away? I know this all comes with divorce but it will take some time to divvy up the holidays.

So would it create a big turmoil on christmas day? If you think the day is very important to you and your kids, perhaps it may be better to wait until right after ...

Remember we can only say go for it or not go for it. But you have to do what YOU think will work for you. If you do decide to wait after holidays, make a resolve that you will leave right after and not after new year, which will become, after easter, after summer...so you need to make a resolve and stick with it. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2010
In reply to: swtbabyray
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 11:14am

I am so conflicted about this! I have perfectly valid reasons for doing either way. My biggest thing in favor of staying through christmas is the whole people pleasing part of me. I dont want to ruin anyone elses christmas! I feel like a louse running off the week before christmas. on the other hand, I want out! I am craving that freedom that is just outside my reach. Yet at the same time it scares the heck out of me! I can't put it off forever though, my rent on the aprtment is due the first of January and the light bill on the 5th so I will be there before then. I have furniture in the apartment and the cable is on so its all ready for us just sitting there waiting. I have my dear john letter all written out and ready too. I talked to my oldest daughter and she wants to get it over with, havent had the chance to discuss it with the younger one. Im worn out from pretending to be happy in my marriage. It doesnt help that he keeps asking if I am leaving him and then I get to dance around the subject. I am just so afraid of his reaction! Gah! We went christmas shopping Monday with our youngest daughter and decided to catch a movie. We were the only people in the theater and we were just talking and eating popcorn and my husband turns to our 12 year old and says " If I snap and kill everybody, you know I still love ya right?"

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: swtbabyray
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 12:57pm

Just pick a day and do it ! No day is going to be any easier..If you want to hang on until the 26th..hang on..but leave on the 27th.

If you just cannot stand another day with him and he is appearing more wacko than before, forget the 25th and do it now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: swtbabyray
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 2:13pm

It sounds like it's time to get out of there and get to the apartment.

sweets35
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: swtbabyray
Fri, 12-17-2010 - 7:03pm
What is of utmost importance here is your's and the kid's safety. If, at any second, either you or one of your kids doesn't feel safe, call the cops, and get an escort to leave. Make sure he can't leave to follow you. God speed and remember, safety first and foremost.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2010
In reply to: swtbabyray
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 10:40am

My girls and I talked it over and with all the bad weather over the past week or so it was just easier to stay put til after Christmas. Things are ok with him for now but we do have that safety net if we need it. His best friends wife passed away and we went to the services last night and now he is being very clingy and its just wierd for me because I dont want him touching me but feel like I have to allow it to keep the peace.

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