Wanted to thank you gals ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Wanted to thank you gals ;)
1
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 1:09am

I haven't been back for a few weeks, and wanted to update that things are much better.


We have been in marriage counseling for the past month, and its really good to get some things out in the open. DH also decided individual counseling would benefit him for his issues~ mainly grief issues over our son, and also some childhood issues. It's almost been amazing because I feel like I'm with the guy that I used to be with.


In counseling we have learned to communicate better and establish rules- so far no more outbursts from him or irrational behavior. I know that losing our son was traumatizing for him, but his verbal/emotional abuse had no excuses. I lost my son too ya know? I also think some things that he grew up around and learned, he now realizes he needs to un-learn them. He hasn't really talked to his family in a while, and that's a great thing for us because they can be abusive people.


We are going to continue with the counseling because its something that is good for both of us, and hopefully we can start a new chapter in our lives. I want to thank you guys who gave me advice because it gave me something that I really needed~ validation, and with that came the strength to let him know that I wouldn't be living like that or tolerating any form of abuse ever again. Sometimes I don't know what is normal for marriages because I never had the best example, and often times it seems like all couples go through not-so-great periods. I was just really scared that my husband had turned into this abusive person and would always be that way. Other people in my life said to relax because he had just lost his son, and people grieve in different ways, but you guys told me that it wasn't okay (which it *isn't*!!) and that gave me the strength to give him an ultimatum.


He knows how he was acting for 3 months was *not* okay, and that him not being able to deal with his emotions has been an on-going problem. He wasn't all crazy before, but he still "shoved" his feelings about any and everything, and that's not healthy either. He has expressed desire to start our lil family up again, and so we'll see. I kind of want to wait longer just for reassurance that he isn't going to have a nervous breakdown again, plus I don't know if I'm ready yet. My son just passed in July so it hasn't been that long at all.


I will admit that I do feel really bad for him sometimes. He grew up in a home where he never saw any fighting, arguing, discussing, etc.

.emily.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 4:35pm
Thanks for keeping us posted, Hopes.