Wedding rings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wedding rings?
12
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 2:27pm
Hi all...I just had a question for those you that are still living with your H. Do you still wear your wedding ring? H never leaves the house without it, but then again, he is the one who really wants this marriage to work out. Some days I just feel like a hypocrite wearing it, because I am not committed to this relationship, in my heart. Other times, I don't wear it, and again, feel like a hypocrite because I am certainly living in a marriage, I am not single. I don't want to be untruthful in any way, with anyone I meet, but I just am at a loss here. I don't want to wear something that is a symbol of something I don't feel, but it is nevertheless, something that I am right now. Sometimes I wear them on my other hand, feels like a good compromise some days....Anyways, I just was wondering what the rest of you do/did. Hope you are all having a good day.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: lurkerlady
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 2:58pm
Helllooooooo Lurker! Glad to see you again. I haven't worn my wedding ring since we separated 2 years ago, which makes sense, huh?

Anyways, if you have any extra energy today, there's a mom over on that other board we post on who is waiting for sma test results today, poor thing. Send her a hug or some negative vibes or something.

Well, Lurker, I'm a bit out of sorts myself, but this time it isn't the H that's causing it so I won't go into detail here. Sending you love and hugs from the garden state!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lurkerlady
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 3:40pm
Thank you for your input, Momesq!!! H and I haven't had any kind of separation, I just got him to FINALLY stay in the other room, lol, so he wants me to wear them. But, I just don't have the same feeling of wanting to wear those rings as I used to. It is nice because they are actually a little big on me, so I can always use that as an excuse if H gives me a hard time.

Thanks for giving me a heads up on the other board, I popped by there and left her a message. I hope she gets good test results.

I am sorry you are feeling low today, whatever/whoever the cause, I hope you will feel happier soon! I am a little behind on my school work, H has the computer in "his" room, aka the office, and he was sick all weekend, so I wasn't really able to do anything. I am a little overwhelmed, but so happy to be back in school.

(((HUGS))) to you!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
In reply to: lurkerlady
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 3:58pm
Hi. I left my husband 1 1/2 weeks ago but I havent worn my wedding rings in probably over a month. I am not and haven't been in love with my husband for some time so I really didn't feel married. Good luck christina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: lurkerlady
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 6:04pm
Just thought I would add this note, I haven't worn a wedding ring in years. Part of the reason is that jewelry and I don't get along. I do alot with my hands and would have to keep taking it off. He didn't wear his either. The ring is a symbol, but not a life. There are many people living together that truly love each other. They don't have rings. They just trust and respect each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lurkerlady
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 7:27pm
Thanks Girley and Camult! Before gaining weight during pregnancy, I wore my wedding and engagement rings all the time, morning and night. During my pregnancy, which is also when my marriage became abusive, I stopped, but only because I gained weight, and retained water, and they didn't fit. However, I was eager to wear them as soon as I could, they are pretty, lol...and I guess I really didn't want to be, or be seen as, a single mom. I wanted to be married, at least until my baby was around six months old, and I started to really wake up and smell the coffee. Camult, I think you are absolutely right, it is just a symbol, and I, too, know some happily married people who do not wear their rings. I guess for me it is a bigger issue of not really knowing what I want. It is just so crazy. When I say "husband" and "marriage", to me it just doesn't draw up the image of someone I find annoying, who has been abusive, who sleeps in the other room. When I think about those words, I think about *wanting* to be with someone, not being there for the sake of convenience, fear of the unknown, and guilt. I feel like if I am advertising my marriage by wearing a ring, I am doing false advertising, lol. Yet, I am somewhat embarrassed by the actuality of my situation. Oh well...thanks as always for being here to chat with, and helping me work things out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
In reply to: lurkerlady
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:42am
Well I do not wear my rings either and he has stopped asking me why but I will tell you that since he put my engagement ring in the pawn shop onloan for cash it has lost most of its meaning for me. I forgave him the first time when I was pregnant and had taken it off due to swelling. when he did twice more behind my back it totally has no value to me anymore and even though the wedding band was never pawned it too means nothing to me. I do get asked about it at work and stuff but I just say they do not fit since ds was born. This is another thing that I get so angry about but have no outlet because he absolutely will not see why I get so mad about it, why I get mad over the deception, lying, thieving...and then he says that he did take dd out to eat with the money. He did not even pawn it for necessity but because he was bored and wanted to get out of the house! Any time I bring it up as an example of the constant lies he tells me he gets mad and says I cannot let go of anything! Anyway...thats why I do not wear my rings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
In reply to: lurkerlady
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 4:23pm
Dear lurkerlady,

I was just reading the earlier messages posted and yours caught my eye. My husband has an out-of-town job and was to be away for a couple of months. the day after he left...i took off my wedding ring and put it in the drawer. I havent put it on since. He will definately get the hint when he gets home though. I would never in a million years dream of getting so angry that I would remove the ring, but I have reached my limit. I feel like I am no longer the happy person I used to be and this is the consequence. So...it felt weird to me for a little while...and i felt guilty..but as time went on, i discovered that my feelings did not change and I am ready to face him and tell him my feelings. I dont act like I am single, because I am not. But, it feels like the prison walls are going down a little bit, the less of him in my life. I wish you luck and peace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: lurkerlady
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 8:57pm
I'm new to this board, brand new. I have realized after 24 years of marriage, that I married an abusive man.

Two things made me wake up. First; my brother died at the age of 42. He suddenly had Lukemia and died in 2 months. A healthy man all of his life he left behind his wife, two daughters, aged 12 and 8, and a 3 year old son. He had just moved to a house he wanted to renovate. He had a lot of things he wanted to do.

Then, my son grew up and moved out on his own.

I looked at what I had left, however many days that may be, to live out the rest of my life with, and I didn't like it.

I just decided I had had enough and I couldn't take it anymore.

And I won't.

I don't know what tomorrow may hold, life can be shorter than you think, but I'm certainly not going to live it like this.

My son is the love of my life. A sweet respectful boy that values me as a person, not just as his mom.

Without him around, it is no longer worth trying to keep the peace.

For the millionth time, my husband said he will change.

Oh, sure.

He said he realized that this is his last shot.

It is.

I expect nothing.

I am an artist and am submitting my work to galleries in the states closer to my parents and sisters. I plan to move there.

I don't and will not wear my rings. Why should I? It is my choice, after all. This has never been a real marriage, why keep pretending?

I get hit on. People tell me I look 25 even though I am 45 (just good genes. No thanks to me). It doesn't matter if you get hit on, I used to get hit on even though I WORE my rings, even if I was in church wearing clothes buttoned up to the neck, whether I was with my husband or not, even when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant! My father-in-law has even hit on me!

It doesn't matter, what matters is what you DO about it! I've had young guys come up to me, and I ask them how old they are then tell them my age. Some of them are horrified, because I am older than some of their mothers!

But some of them don't care!!

Even so, I don't take it any further. It's what *I* do about it.

Right?

Right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2001
In reply to: lurkerlady
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 10:08pm
While I was married, I did wear my wedding ring, but the day I left, I put it on my keychain as a reminder to me that NO ONE has the right to control me through intimidation, sex or money.

xoclibertycart


If you stay focused on yourself, you stay miserable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: lurkerlady
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 2:04am

I wore mine until the day we split, and tried to take his with me.

CL-Blueliner4

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