Well, I FINALLY called the police!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Well, I FINALLY called the police!!!
3
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 10:18pm
I'm back here again!! I know, leave why don't you well, it's not that easy when you don't have anywhere to go (shelter IS NOT an option for my 4 DD's & me).

So, H has been at it again!! A week ago this past Friday, said he was coming home with dinner for the girls & I, guess what?? He came home hours later, no call (though I called his cell phone NUMEROUS times) no dinner and DRUNK!! We had words (no real big fight) and he went to put the baby (2yrs) to sleep. Tried rocking her for about 20 minutes and she just screamed. Then he puts her on the floor, comes out of the room and proceeds to tell me "get your F****N A** in their, I can't take it anymore." I told him no, do not talk to me like that! He then says "You f****n idiot, laying on your a** on the couch. Go do something" I told him then he must be an indiot too cause that's all HE does!! I know it was the wrong thing to say something to him. Nothing else happened that night.

From then until today it's been tense, to say the least. I have come to find out he has opened a new business (corporation) and has a few different bank accounts liked to our joint acct. I unfortunately confronted him about it. He said so many different things it wasn't funny!! Hey, there is no way for him to hide it. The bank automatically attachs any account to our joint acct (called the bank to verify). He has also tried to get new business loans, purchased $1500 dollars (new truck downpayments he says) on his personal credit card (he has a business card!! Oh, and the inital business (with his father) is interesting. Is it me or would you be worried that his father was going to Cuba all the time???

Our neighbors (and very good friends to me they help me with him all the time!!!) wife's mother died. I told H that I am very upset and he says "why, it's not your mother." Nice guy huh?? Then he knew the funeral was this weekend (Sat. & Sunday). So he goes to work Saturday and calls about the funeral, he now wants to go. I told him I did not want to go with him but he had to be home to watch the kids. Said he would be home at 7pm. Well, he came home sometime after 1:30am (I woke up and he was not home). I called him 3 times and he never returned my phone calls.

So, Sunday morning, there he was sleeping in the bed. Our 2 oldest DD's were in there and i put them in their beds. I then slammed the door shut. He comes out and starts in. I was calm 9the kids were up) and asked him where he was. He said at a Firemans Benefit. I asked why he didn't call. He said he tried but the phone was busy - BIG LIE!!!! Phone was just fine here cause i wasn't on it and it was not off the hook!!!

He starts calling me names and stuff and goes and takes a shower. I went and took the keys to the cars he had (the one he uses was purchased BEFORE we were married so it is mine! He uses this for work too (nice of his father to let us pay for the insurance and no, it is not claimed on our income taxes. Heck, the CPA is a friend of his fathers!! So, he sees i took the keys and comes after me. I had them in my hand and he started twisting it and told me he was going to break my arm while cursing at me the whole time.

I gave up and then called 911!! it is about time for me!! Get this, when the officers came he says to them, look she left nail marks she hurt me. They were like, yeah so. They took a report from me only for harrassment. This due to the fact that if they did the other, he would have too and they would have had to arrest us both. The female officer told me this after they tolg H to leave the house. This officer was the best thing that ever happened to me!! She spent so much time with me and was yelling at me (which i need!!!). She told me how to go about things. Before H left, she asked him if i have access to a cash card. He said yes. Then when H left, she said transfer all the money over to your acct. cause he will probably take it or not deposit anymore paychecks and you need money now (guess what, H called about 1hr after this asking me what the f**k i did with all the money!!). I explained to the officer how my H owns a business but only brings home $800 a week. She said yeah right!! He is definately hiding assets. I also told her I didn't want to take my girls to a shelter and she said don't. You will be able to say right in this house.

So, tomorrow i am going to file a No Harrassment order (officer said definately do this, he violates it, he gets arrested), hire a PI and look for an attorney. Oh, officer also said that ANY time he threatens me, comes home very late without calling, etc, to call 911, have an officer come out and file a report. Just to have backup as to the type of person he is.

Hopefully, i make it through this!!!! Thanks for listening and for allowing me a place to share what i am going through!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 6:31pm

Wow.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 12:49am
Girl, I know exactly what you are going through. I have a 2 yr. old and one on the way at the beginning of October (if I make it that far), I'm not married to their father but we have lived together off and on for 3 yrs. He has that disease where he says he'll be home by a certain time and doesn't come home for hours also. He has always had a drinking problem and would verbally assalt me, but last week he actually hit me. What a man to hit a pregnant woman eh? So I called the police and had my mother pick me up(she lives an hour away,so i definately feel safe here). He and his parents own a business also, but they always made a big deal about never having any money, I lived in a crappy old one bedroom house while they renovated their offices. So much for caring about their grandchildren's well being. I thank the lord that my mom is such a wonderful opened minded and caring person, without her I don't know what I would do. Are you close to your parents? I thought I was getting close with his mom but while she was at my house when the cops were there she made it seem like i was exagerating, like i gave myself a black eye! Now she is upset cuz I won't bring my daughter to see her, but she is also abused by his father , and I already got her out of one abusive situation so I'm not about to put her in another one. Those people did nothing to help me, whether it was his anger and drinking problems, or needing money for food and baby things. Well, hang in there, and I'll try to do the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 11:00am
steviewevie04, wow!! You do not know how much I CAN relate!! Unfortunately, MY Mother thinks my H is the greatest thing to walk the earth AND, she knows about the abuse (saw photos and just said 'oh, what a shame").

When I was 8 1/2 months pg with my 4th DD (2 years ago) my H abused me in front of my 3 other girls. They were screaming at him to stop hurting me (they were 5, 3 & almost 2 at the time). I had no where to go and did not call the police (I was embarrassed). Well, it was just plain stupid of me not to have called!! I know that now. You do not know how I hate the fact that i didn't.

Our house is a piece of s**t!! H owns a construction company and will not lift a finger around here!! Says he does it all day long so why should he here. Nice guy huh?? He has said he could care less what this house looks like. I try but, it is hard just to keep it clean with 4 children!!

As for his family, what a joke!! They ALL know what is going on. Do they care, well, I get the standard, yeah we know but WE can't change him. I told his sister that once the divorce starts we probably won't see them anymore (since they condone his actions). She then says, "Well, my son IS there cousin so he will see them when WE want." Really??? Only way that will happen is if they come to me.

H's family (on both Mother & Father's side) has a LONG history of abuse. Though I grew up with H, I did not know anything about THIS. our first DD was born out-of-wedlock and I purposely waited a year before marrying him. Not one person told me anything (like they would?) and he was 'oh, so nice'. I swear, about 2 months after being married is when it started. Typical, now I know.

My FIL could care less about his grandchildren. He HATES our house (keeps on H about moving), refuses to come see them (even when invited to B-day parties) and has NO relationship at all with them. The kicker, S-MIL is FILTHY rich and they live in the lap of luxury. So, this is why I KNOW there IS Money in that business. And, I also found more bussinesses!!