What is this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
What is this?
21
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 10:31am
I'm not really sure how to describe what I'm feeling or what to think about the situation I'm in. I'm in a relationship where all I do is walk on eggshells. I don't know what I'll say or do next that will send this man into another yelling tirade that lasts forever. Yesterday for example, it lasted 6 hours. He thinks he's a mind and face reader too which leads to even more yelling. It doesn't matter what look I have on my face. It wasn't until he finally asked me to say something and he said,"It better be pure uncut truth.". My whole heart and mind was only on the baby I'm almost 4 months pregnant with(his child). All I could say was that while he stands over me swearing, cursing, putting me down, making me feel like garbage and not worthy or the air I breathe that whatever I was feeling...the baby was feeling too. For a man who claims to be a good father(and he is)he said he forgot the baby feels what I feel. How do you forget? Let's not mention he hit my arm twice with a fist during the 6 hours. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm even scared he's going to find this message. I'm in college and am using the school's computer. I don't have time to get into everything but I'm threatened with death(literally)everyday and believe me-he has the power to do it and get away with it. If it weren't for this baby and our son I would probably beat him to the punch and just take some pills and go to sleep. Is this abuse or am I just too emotional because I'm pregnant and I'm taking everything he says like a knife in my heart? By the way, there is no getting out without my family being hurt in the process so I'm stuck...trapped.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 1:12pm

Welcome to the Dealing with Domestic Abuse board.

I want to first say I am so sorry about what you are going though. This is abuse. No one should make you feel so bad and no one should ever hit you. You sound absolutely scared of your husband- that is NOT normal. Just reading your brief post made me cry and I know it was 100 X's worse because your actually experienced it. I know things seem so helpless and hopeless right now. I understand it is hard to leave; that it can be more dangerous to leave. I urge you to seek some help from a Domestic Abuse Hotline or agency of some kind. Educate yourself about what is going on and then maybe you can determine what the best course of action will be for you and your family. Has your son witnessed any of this? He is not a good father if he abuses you and if he continues to treat you like this you may lose that baby and I am sure he'll blame it on you. You don't have to live like this, it is your choice.

Please think about this. Keep posting and reading others post; you are not alone. Try to educate yourself about abuse and keep reaching out for help. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 2:45pm

Welcome to the board :o)

What you describe is most definite abuse in my world. There are so many red flags in your post.. Yes, most of it sounds like verbal and emotional abuse, but he has hit you too. The term walking on egg shells is very common on this board. I know what it is like and it sucks. You never know what will happen or when.. what will set them off. It could be the littlest thing possible.

How many children do you have with this man? You really need to think about your children, because they are going thru as much abuse as you are okay. You do not want to bring that child into the world of abuse. They will learn from it and think it is *right* and *normal behavior* which it is clearly NOT!

Do you have a computer at home? You can always delete the cookies and history from the computer you are using. It doesn't look like you are using a common/ or regular user name.. as it does not have your name in it, so I wouldn't worry about that...?

If you are having a lot of suicidal thoughts and feelings, please please reach out to someone, anyone. Go to the suicide board, or call the suicide hotline number.. but please please for your son and the baby on the way, do not hurt yourself. That is what your abuser wants.

Another thing, yes people around you will be hurt and sad if you break up with him... but you are hurting yourself and your baby by staying with him. You need to do what is right for YOU and only YOU!! be selfish.

Hugs
Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 2:58pm

Honey, they'll be a lot more hurt if he kills/maims you. And he's not a good father-he's hurting you,and teaching his child violence ...this is despicable. Don't stick around for it-protect you, protect kids.

Contact a DV center...is there something at your college?

Keep posting and take care,
Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 4:53pm

honey, you have come to the right place.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:18am
Thanks for all your advice but let me see if I can paint a clearer picture for everyone. The police department is in this man's pocket. If he's not home, there are selected cops who keep on eye on our home to make sure I'm not running away or making sure that I'm not messing around behind his back. Like all I need is another man, right?! He's gotten away with murder and attempted murder before, literally. For some reason, he was taken off of supervised probation in August and the probation was for shooting 4 men in 2002! Think in terms of organized crime and his ability to reach out and "touch" me. I trust noone, least of all the police. If he was your average man, I'd be gone today.
The only thing I can think of that might work is to find a church or underground domestic abuse organization that will transport me from one city to the next until I get near where I'm originally from. It's not safe to fly, take a bus, take a train or even a taxi anywhere within 100 miles of here. That's how many people he knows!
Does anyone know of anyone in the triad area of north carolina that could just give me a ride and get from one state to the next? I'm desperate, I'm tired, I'm scared and I can't go on anymore. As for suicide, I'm a christian, I would never hurt myself. I just want rest, peace, and saftey.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 12:17pm

My heart breaks to hear what you are going through. That is so horrible about the police in your area.. how many people know him and know you. It sickens me to know that he got away with murder!!! WTF!!

Please girl call this number. It is the Domestic Abuse Hotline Number. Call them when you are sad, when you are scared.. call them anytime: 1.800.799.SAFE

Please check out this website for Domestic Abuse help and shelters. http://www.letswrap.com/usadv/

Did I give you the board website to check out? I can't remember. If I didn't, go to the main page of the DV board and just click on Community Website.

Please be safe. Post as much as you need to okay. We are all here for you.
Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 12:32pm

Hi, while we're very happy you have come here for support, we really believe should seek some help in real life. It sounds like you're in a very dangerous situation that could escalate rapidly if not handled properly.


Here's some information that may help you:


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 12:48pm
I know your fear......I was being 'watched' all the time. But for your children's sake as well as your own, you need to get out. The other women's advice was right on but one of my thoughts that might help is to go to your doctor or the hospital. Your unborn baby's health is your first priority and it may be a safe haven to explain what is wrong and get the help to get out. The police aren't ALL in his corner honey, he just has you convinced of it. And I understand your fear, my H was charged with many offences and got away with everything. But in the end, I was the one with the power of the police behind me, offering me an escort out of town. You are terrified, he has done a number on you. I remember the fear......please contact the domestic violence center in your area. Call your doctor or go to the hospital...there are ways to keep you and your babies safe. We are here for you.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 2:38pm
Now I understand how hard it would be for you to leave. I am so sorry. I think some of the other responses about going to the doctor or hospital is a good idea. I was also thinking of higher law enforcement such as FBI. You know better than any of us what he is capable of and putting you and your children in more danger is the last thing we would want to happen. There has to be some help out there for a situation as extreme as this, it might be hard to find but don't give up. Call the DV hotlines and see what they suggest. If I come across any info that I think would be helpful I'll post it for you. I know you can change your Social Security # but I don't think that would be much help getting you out safely. Don't forget we are always here if you need to talk. Just be careful and stay strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 2:48pm
Hey,
First of all your not alone. It sounds like a day in my life when i was growing up. My step-dad was and stil is a very verbally abusive man. Trust me you didn't do anything to deserve any of his irrational behavior. He's getting off on controling you and all it is to him is a game. I know it sounds terrible but i lived with him from the time i was five years old until i was eighteen. For your sake and the unborn childs please leave him! I know it sounds scary but it will only get worse. There is help out there and i know it takes time but it is worth it. My mom never left and it damaged all of us kids. I shake everytime i even get near that man because i can't stand him. Living in our house was like a combat zone. My mom and sister were always crying and i was always fighting and standing up to him.
Please get help for yourself and the baby. Be strong and stay safe. Try the domestic violence or local shelter. They should be able to help you and give more information.
Take care of yourself and keep posting!
Dakota

Dakota

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