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| Mon, 11-07-2005 - 1:37pm |
Hi all! I had a wierd conversation with some friends this morning. I work on this committee and everyone on the committee is my very good friend and they all know what happened with my H over the summer and that I threw him out. Well, one of my friends was telling us about some crazy situation that went on in her house yesterday (you know, kids all home on the weekend, things get loud and chaotic) where her H injured himself while he was holding something valuable and dropped the valuable because of the pain, and when she yelled at him that he should have held onto the valuable despite his hand bleeding he pushed her out of the way. No one else on the committee seemed to think anything about that. I almost wondered whether telling the story was calculated so that I wouldn't be so hard on myself about letting H move back in (which they all know I wasn't thrilled to do and that I feel badly about it).
Since I've been sharing with others in my town, I'm shocked at how many episodes (is that the right word) like this go on and people don't pay them any attention. I'm quite sure that my girlfriend would never stop and consider this an episode of abuse - and was it???? Many of these things I've heard are alot like what my H does - the difference is that my DS was injured and I can assure you, and I believe with all my heart, H did NOT intend to injure DS. He intended to do the act that caused the injury, but he didn't intend the injury.
When I think about this stuff too much I get really confused as to what actually constitutes abuse and what's just lousy behavior; what's dangerous and what's just annoying.
Thanks for any input. Love, Mo.


Well, my thoughts are this and I don't know what the he** I am talking about these days..... I say when it instills fear, causes harm, is a pattern or one overt intentional act to do one of the above, that is abuse. Also, if she were to call her H on it, and he were to apologize, versus getting angry at her for calling him on it. I don't know, I think a person somewhat "knows" themselves, but just doesn't want to admit it alot of the time.
Don't read to much into what your friends are talking about, try not to guilt yourself over the decision you made to let your H back in. As everyone has said, leaving is a process, not a moment.....