What to do with DD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
What to do with DD?
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 8:26pm
DD was with me past four days. We barely fought as mother/teenagers fight. Last night I was just having conversation. Not thinking anything of it. I am trying to help my DD understand why I moved out. She's seeking counseling, which I'm not sure is helping her. Anyway, I just mentioned the fact that I missed my new kitchen with new cabinets and everything I had done in the house (that her dad lives in) and that I wished I was still in it. Then I said the wrong thing I guess by saying "I miss living in the house...don't get me wrong (I didn't want her to be confused). I don't miss living with your dad." I told her I enjoyed not having to answer to him at my every move. Then I explained the bed situation. Told her one day when I could afford it that I would buy her a bed or else I would get the money from Grandma. She asked "why doesn't Daddy buy me a bed?" I told her he wouldn't for up here and that it wasn't convenient to move her old bed up here. Then I just said "Oh, some day." Well, she went and told him that I wanted to move back into the house without him and that I was buying her a bed and I'd get the money from Grandma. He in turn calls me on the phone at work about this crap. Says that we had made an agreement (which we did so to speak, but I guess I didn't make myself clear) to tell each other and ask questions about what DD was saying. I MEANT stupid stuff like "Daddy said I'm aloud to go here, or Mommy said I could wear this". Not to do this bickering stuff. She claims I put her in the middle. She says he put her in the middle the other morning complaining about me being on the interent all night. I was just having idol conversation I thought.

I'm to the point I don't even want to talk because I'm afraid she'll turn everything around. I guess I can't talk to her about the way I feel. I was trying to help her to understand why I moved out, that I do miss the house so to speak but not her dad.

Right now I just feel like filing for divorce and maybe she'll get through this better. I think she's hanging on strings that we'll get back together. Her dad and I get along half way decent until I go with friends or until she tells him something I say. Then he calls me on it. I don't do that to him. I didn't ask her what he was ranting and raving about the other morning. I KNEW it was the computer cause he called me about it ranting and raving. I don't give a rats butt what he tells her about me. I have faith that someday maybe she'll see through him. Now he's bought her concert tickets for $175. She even said he's sucking up. I don't say anything when she says that.

Am I suppose to just sit here and talk about the weather? Can't I try to explain to her why I did what I did? She knows I didn't have friends because of him. I told her that a while back. She knows he never trusted me. I told her that too. And now when she says to me that he tries to pick her friends and that he doesn't trust her, I just look at her and say "I understand".

Now she threatens to leave. Wants to go live in a foster home. This is from the girl that tried to get ahold of me the other night while staying at a friends house because she was scared and wanted to come home. That was the night I was on the internet and got blasted by H for it. She says she wishes both of us would just die. I know she doesn't mean that. She's angry. But what am I suppose to do? I'm trying my best to show her how much I love her and that's not by buying concert tickets!!!

Then he's griping about having to pick her up from volleyball practice and why can't I do it. I'm lucky enough that I have a job where I can come in a little late for taking her to practice. I can't leave again an hour later to pick her up. I could but why shouldn't he do it? He told me three days ago that he was off on Thursday and it wouldn't be a problem. Now he's moaning because the heat is getting to him after working 12 hours and he needs to sleep. This is what he always did. He always complained when he would have to take her to tutoring or any type of sports practice. I was the one that always did it. And he acts like my job is no big deal. Then he got mad cause I wouldn't continue to talk to him because I told him "I'm at work; I've got to go!" I need to just get a divorce and forget about worrying about health insurance. Will all this go away or be easier if I was divorced from him? I've only been gone going on two months now.

When I talked to her last night, I thought we were just having a conversation. She didn't say anything to me about anything. Then she does this. I feel sometimes she's trying to get back at me for leaving.

Sometimes I just want to leave......the state!!!

Help!

Happy