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| Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:35pm |
hi, I havent been here in a while and I think I need some advice and help again. I was with an emotional and pyshically abusive man for 7 years who basically took everything I had mentally and pyshically. We broke up last year in april and I took the break up very bad. Even though he treated me so horribly I still wanted him in away. I thought I was getting better he moved on right away with another girl got her pregnant and lives with her for last year. I on the other hand had a really hard time finding myself and liking myself. I felt like I was lost and hurt and I did not know how to function with out him. We have a 7 year old son together so we still have contact for him. He uses him as a way to get to me still. I still find myself listening to him demean me and put me down as a mother and women. He said he was going to make my life a living hell when I broke up with him and for the most part did over the last year.
I though I was getting a little bit better I was starting to smile, laugh, and have fun again. I was able to have friends and hang out with out having to ask for permission or a big fight. I could go where I wanted, where what I wanted, do what I wanted. I liked that but I was very lonely and I felt as if there was a big part of me missing still.
I dated here and there but I kinda kept thing a distant level a first with guys until I met my current boyfriend in March of this year. He at first was quiet, seemed shy, sweet. We had some rough patches in the first month or so because he is very imature and childish and I did not respond to it. I did not really see any signs that he was violent at first until one day he pushed my head when in a heated arguement. He said he was sorry and I took in back. But as more time goes into this realtionship the more unhappy and hurt I get. He is unkind with his words calling me annoying b****, slut, whore. He would break up with me for every little thing I did that he did not like or what I said. If I did not answer my phone I was cheating, if I yelled at him he would ignore me for days and days withholding affection or communication for that matter. "Dont touch me get off me leave me alone". I can not have guy friends and they can not call my phone if someone does he breaks up with me, yells, ignores me. I then feel the need to apologize to him and reassure him the I care about him and it is him that I want. I n the beginning I had a one guy friend in particular who called me that he did not like and one day he broke up with me so I ignored him and when my guy friend called me and stopped by just as friends (he has a girlfriend) my guy came over saw him there and accused me of cheating on him and how dare I have him there. Now he bases how he treats me on that incident all the time telling me I am shady and I hurt him. He refuses to go out in public with me because I do not deserve it cause of how I acted. I am not saying I am perfect and I know I can be overbearing, argumentative, and say dumb or hurtful things too. He then complains about coming over just to sleep and watch tv and blames it on me cause if I acted right he would take me out.
Last thurs he really scared me. He was ignoring me like usual I went into another room. My sister texted me about my friend and her boyfriend and I read it and erased it cause I did not want him to read it and then accuse me of talking to guys. He heard my text go off and then starting badgering me for who it was and for me being a sneak. I told him what it was about and why I deleted it and he did not believe me grabbed me by my neck picked me off the ground. then started grabing my face and yelling at me. He then poked me in my forhead so hard that he ripped a large piece of skin off. I ddi not realize how bad it looked until everyone who saw me noticed it and asked me what happened I lied though. I was so upset he then has the never to tell me if it happens again he will punch me in my eye. After that he started ignoring me again I did not play along this time. I was hurt and could not believe I got myself into another bad situation. He has ignored me everyday since then and yesterday I had it and yelled at him. He was putting th music up on me in the car as I was talking so he did not have to hear me. I yelled he got of car then called me around 11 last nite and I picked him up for I do not know what reason. He came over was very rude to me and started asking me to take him home. I said no find a ride it was 12:30 and I had to be a work at 5:30 this morning. He got mad started telling me he was having a girl pick him up. I got mad then he said he was just kidding. I said that I would take him home after a while of putting up with this and he then grabbed me by my face, grabbed me by the back of my hair and yelled at me. I started crying and he then told me to stop f***** crying and what am I crying about. He then grabbed me by the side of my face so hard that it is still sore. He wanted to cuddle know and tells me to stop cryin or he will give me something to cry about. I rolled over then he got mad at me pushed me over to him and wanted to do the deed. I did not want to and he kept persisting so I gave in just to shut him up.
I woke up think maybe he will stop and be nice this morning I was wrong. When he started to become nasty again I asked him why is he so mean and why does he want to hurt me. He starts with the I yelled at him four days ago routine again. I go to work hoping thing would become brighter as the day goes on. I called him at lunch to say hi. He said that he was sleeping and I said well then call me bak later. He called me back while I was in the bathroom and I missed his call. I called right back he started yelling saying what did he tell me about answering my phone. I told him I was in the bathroom he said I should have brought it with me. Then hung up I called back like an idiot to try and talk to him he started yelling calling me a stupid b**** and that this is why we fight I am so dumb.
I got myself into a very bad situation again and this one seem worse than my child father. What do I do? How do I get out with out him flipping out or hurting me in some way? I am confused and scared.. help
| Wed, 09-21-2005 - 4:04pm |
