what do i do?????????
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| Mon, 04-19-2004 - 1:52pm |
So things have been going fairly well with us lately, all things considered. My SO is being incredibly sweet and nice, telling me I am beautiful and how much he loves me. A bit of a change of pace but it has been nice. And I can barely muster the strength to tell him the same thing, though I still feel it in some ways. He recently made a comment as to how I never want to have sex with him any more....then yesterday made a pouty face that i didn't find him attractive or sexy or whatever. The background of the situation is that I am presently employed, he was laid off (but knew about it). Our roommate moved away, and our rent is going up. For those of you that don't recall, I am the one who is debating another big move with my bf. So, he has no job and in all honesty at this time in this town there really aren't ANY to be had. Which means that come May 1, I am really concerned about how we are going to pay rent. He is too, but seems to have the confidence that he will "find something". Anyway, so yesterday we had a talk about what we were going to do with regards to moving, he is slightly annoyed that i haven't made a decision (but it is so hard to tell him that part of it is the doubts I have about the relationship) and so we talked about what we both wanted in terms of where to move, why, pros/cons, etc. A fairly good convo, although I still didn't have all that much to contribute. He said that if I decided what I wanted, then we would work things out, work out a compromise, but that obviously we were making a joint decision. So then last night was a nice night, dinner, TV, relaxing, etc.
However, I went to check my email on our (essentially mine) computer, and I don't know why I did this but I checked the history. Apparently, he is searching on the chatboards, and on singles sites, and I even found a profile of some girl (who was ugly, but still). Obviously, that is what he has been doing the last couple of days I have been at work. It just breaks my heart, is he actively searching for someone else? Is he bored w/our relationship? Is it just b/c he doesn't have a job and too much time on his hands? I obviously have no idea what kinds of boards he looked at when he was working, but I also know his job wasn't focused on a computer. He doesn't know I spend time on this board, but that is different. Here is my question---do I say something? We've fought over "me not trusting him" before, he always flips out if I find something suspicious and says "if i don't trust him, just leave!" or "God, you always find drama" or make up some excuse. If I brought it up, then I would have obviously been snooping (it was on his homepage, not mine). What do I do? He was all cudly and sweet last night and I got no sleep b/c it was weighing so heavily on my mind. This morning he told me how much he loved me and how beautiful I was. WTF????? Yet as I sit here now, I bet he is on those chat boards or IM'ing with some woman on the internet. Honestly-do I confront it or not? I'm dwelling on it, and can't act normal about what happened yet am really confused as to whether i should bring it up or not. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Thank you in advance for responding!

My STBX always put on the lovey-dovey sweet charm when he wanted something from me. Then he could change at the drop of a hat. One time we even went out of town for a weekend 'honeymoon' to enrich our marriage (ha!) and I discovered the next day a letter a girl had written him and a receipt where he'd bought her a necklace.
It doesn't matter how you found the info, the fact is he is cheating on you. He will definitely try to turn it around like it's your fault for finding out. No, it's his fault for planing the seed of suspicion in your relationship.
My advice would be to drop him like a hot potato. He's bad news and they'll always be some surprise in store for you with him.
Hugs,
Jackie
This probably won't be nice to hear, but to me, this clearly shows how little he respects you and the relationship in general, and given the stunt he recently pulled, this does not bode well.
CL-Blueliner4
And as far as MY feelings are concerned....that is the worst part! I don't even know what i feel anymore. I know I love him...thought we were going to spend our lives together....and we have almost never been apart (well, except for work and stuff). But not many nights have been spent apart. How am I going to deal? Do I up and move w/out him? Do I tell him maybe he should move, get setteled and then I'd come meet him (although I thought yesterday would be the time to say something and I couldn't). I guess I'm just very afraid of not being with him, or what if i change my mind? And splitting everything up, plus the dog....I just don't know how I can do it. Especially right now when I don't have a super tight support network here. Do you really think that he is searching for someone else? What do you think his motive is?
sorry that i am all over the place with my thoughts...i'm at work and kept getting interrupted.
thanks again :(
No, I don't think he has guilt in the respect that you are thinking of.
CL-Blueliner4
I am unfortunately at a "time limit" computer so I have to be short. I feel that i have much more to say, and more info about certain situations, its just that b/c this board is open to the public I fear giving too much information will give myself away (yes, i know there are not even that many people posting on this site, but i guess i am just paranoid). And maybe paranoid of him finding out....anyway. Do you have an email I can contact you on or is that against protocal of this board?
Also-as far as the dog-unfortunately it was originally his. And i am VERY attached to her. I can't imagine coming home w/out the dog (or even him, for that matter). i will try to post more later....thank you for taking the time to listen & read all my posts.
My profile is open for email, if you would like to email me.
CL-Blueliner4