what do you make out of this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
what do you make out of this?
3
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 10:48am

Whats going on with this?
Last summer he would elbow me while I slept and once he grabbed me and forced me down on him. It stopped after I asked him why he was doing these things. He said he couldn't remember doing it. Maybe as he drinks beer, natural light, every single day. I dont know. Maybe the elbow thin in the face was an accident but it seems strange that it never happen before and then all of a sudden it was happening, not a lot but just enough. It stopped after I asked him about it.

Just last night I think he came to bed around 4 or so in the morning as he works until 1230am so he gets home at 1 and drinks, eats dinner and watches tv, and goes to bed around 4.
I woke up and saw him ball his hand into a fist and slug me in the shoulder, not hard but not exactly soft either. I said that hurt and why would you do that. He said, I was only joking. I told him that hurt and rolled away from him. Today when he got up around 1 this afternoon to get ready for work, I asked him again why he did that and he said, "did I? I don't remember. i'm sorry if I did". WTF?

What is going on with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 7:37pm

This is a typical excuse they like to use to put the blame on you. "Just kidding", "just playing around", "just joking" "I don't remember doing that"..... they use this so that they can say you are being too sensitive or can't take a joke. My ex's favorite lines -"The girl I married had a sense of humor." or "You are too sensitive. Nobody can touch you." Ummm....yeah, when someone hits me or grabs me! He went so far as to claim he didn't just slap me in the face ten seconds after he did it! Then he said it was just a "tap". Oh, that makes it okay! I actually second guessed myself! My face was still stinging and I was starting to think maybe I just imagined it!! That's when I new it was time to get out!

Someone who loves you does not use force against you. If you say something hurts, they never do it again. Period! It is called respecting the other person and having a sense of personal boundaries. Both of which these guys don't understand!

After being in a respectful relationship since my divorce, I can't believe the crap I thought was normal. Even though that relationship did not work out I still know what it is like to be respected and cherished in a relationship.

Good Luck and lots of hugs to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 2:48pm
Last night while I was sleeping, I went to just put my arm across his chest, I accidently streched my arm across is face. I didnt hit him, just streched across his face. He responded with, "ow that hurt". I know why he did cause that is what I said to him the other night. He is just using it against me. I really dont know what to make out of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 5:32pm

I agree w/what Joshu told you.

5yrssm