what does this mean - disturbing
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what does this mean - disturbing
| Tue, 03-30-2004 - 11:05am |
a lot has happened to me since my last post. on march 15th i went and filed for a divorce and had some help getting my daughters and i out of our house. he had no idea that this was all going to happen. i felt bad, but did not know how he would react and even tried to talk to him about our relationship that saturday and sunday to try and give him one more chance. he continued to tell me he did not have a problem and did not need counseling. i also approached him about the one problem that has been bothering me for almost 5 years and have been to afraid to ask. on more than one occassion i have noticed that he gets erections when he is playing physical games or even sitting with our daughters on his lap. i asked him when i first noticed it and he told me it was a sensitive area that he had no control over it. well when i asked him that sunday he pretty much said the same thing and said that i was the sick one for thinking he would do something like that. i told him that i honestly believe that he has not touched them, but the fact that that happens bothers me greatly. i told him i had asked around and that not one therapist thought it was normal. i have our daughter in therapy right now. which he is totally fine with and wants her to go. he said she could go forever and that he would take a lie detector test to prove he did not have sexual thoughts about them. last wednesday was her first session. the monday he found out we left he called me and was crying and pleading with me to just come home. i told him no that night. the next day we went back. i have full custody of the girls for now and he is not allowed to be alone with the girls. tonight we are going to counseling together about the erection issue. i was told by my pastor to work on that before we work on our marriage. now my husband is telling me that the issue that he could not control he can control now. he says now that he knows it bothers me it now bothers him. i NEED to know that this is something that he has no control over and that he is not thinking bad thoughts about my babies. i want to believe him, but everywhere i go i get "keep him away from your gilrs and get the hell out." am i being blind to the problem at hand. i do feel that the first week after i filed he was smothering me with love and affection and it was getting on my nerves then the next week he started to show his true colors again. so i brought it to his attention and then this weekend he did the smothering again. so i either have to be smothered for the rest of my life - which i hate right now because i can't stand his touch at the moment - or i get his natural self. i guess either way i need to go because i am not happy with either person he is. i did let him be with me last sat. and sun. night. then every other night last week into this weekend he has tried and i tell him know. i swear he almost faked crying on tuesday night and said he feels like i will never come on to him again. i told him it was not the right time that i needed to get a better understanding of what was going on. then he said well do you know how long that will take! i thought that is his only concern!! it always has been. even when we fought recently before i filed his only complaint was that i didn't come on to him enough. we use to have a very active sex life and the more and more i saw the erections happening i had trouble being intimate with him. he can't say that it happened because of us not having sex because we use to 3 or more times a week and he still had the erection problem. the lonest we have ever gone was a week. other than when i was on maternity leave that is. he acts like that one week is an eternity and from what i hear that is pretty normal in a marriage with a busy family! i think he has a problem, but i need to know that it is not fixable before i will be okay with breaking up my marriage. i guess what i really want from this post is to know if that is possible - am i just giving myself false hope for something that is not possible. can he really not be thinking bad thoughts?? does this make him a pedophile?? i don't know where to even go to get the answer to the questions i have. any advice?

Joy,
I really can't give you a definite answer, but I do know that there is was another poster who went through the exact same thing you are with your H and his "problem".
CL-Blueliner4