What a fool I've been..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
What a fool I've been..........
3
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:15am
I posted here for the first time back in January, as another name. I had wrote that my fiance & I built a brand new home, with my inheritance $$, one night I had got out of work early and caught his x-wife (whom I'd never met, and he didn't have kids with) over at the home we were building. He had her come by to drop off a photo album she had of him and his sons from a prior marriage, pictures she had taken when they were married and he had his visitations. I was hurt that he had done this behind my back. I had found out after we started on the home, that he had been in rehab years ago for heroin addiction. He had also told me he owned his condo, but couldn't invest his $$ into building our home since he owed the IRS $$ due to a business that went under years ago. The IRS was going to take that $$. He sold his condo, and filed bankruptcy, so that once we were married the IRS wouldn't take my $$. Well by the time I found this out, the property was purchased and the construction loan gotten in my name. He said with my inheritance, & the sale of my townhouse, we could build this big beautiful home and he could afford the mortgage. I would get a prenuptial before we married, and add his name on after. Well, we moved in the end of September. He had started drinking heavily and arguing with me last summer, just before I caught his x-wife over in August. He got in an argument with me Christmas morning that I was messing up his computer going to game sites. He was so angry he wouldn't go with me and my Mom to my daughter's for Christmas day, he was staying home. The next day when I went to check my email with Comcast, his email account opened. Before I switched to my account, I noticed he had mail from THAT x-wife. I read it, it stated how good it was to hear his voice when she got home from family celebrations, and she was sorry her visit had caused any problems. He started an argument with me, to stay home and call her!!! Five days later, she called disquising her voice as an older woman when I answered, saying she had the wrong number. Having caller ID, I knew a call from OHIO to MI, was no mistake. I promptly called her back, said hold on Rosie, you didn't have the wrong number here he is. He told her, she didn't need to contact him, he only wanted to leave her a message wishing her a Merry Christmas. He told me she accidently dialed our number, she thought she was dialing the number her daughter had called from. The next morning, he had grabbed me by the bibs of my overhauls and lifted me off the ground to his eyelevel, and said go ahead make a rukus call the police, I'll just say it was self defense. He threatened to string me up in the electric lines in the back yard. I moved into the spare room, across the hall from my mom(it was his idea to have mom life with us). He had been layed off right after we moved in, we fell behind in the mortgage payments and worked out a payment plan to increase the house note $1,000 until we got caught up in June and we must not be late with any other payments before then. Well he got layed off again Monday and we won't have the payment on time for April. I tried 2 weeks ago to get into the dv counceling services, they're in the process of moving and can't set an appointment for me until they're in. Hello, suicide prevention, please hold. We've got a realestate comming tommorrow to give us a home analysis. My heads spinning, I don't know if we can sell it before they start foreclosure proceedings and I lose all $68,000 I have invested in this. The mortgage is over $3,000. I'm not even sure a realestate wants to get involved in this mess. We moved in, and couldn't afford to carpet & paint, we still need 3 interior doors, the gas fireplace, and interior trim. He said he would dig into his pension fund and reimburse me any money I may lose. Yeah right I believe him. I don't know what I should do first. He said we could sell it ourselves and save $$, then he suggested a person he knows from his old church that would list it. I don't even trust listing with anyone HE knows! Should I talk to an attorney first, and what kind of attorney? I tried legal aid also, because I don't make alot of money. They couldn't help because of my high assets, in spite of my low wage. However he gave me the number of the bar assosiation, saying I deffineately had a case. I should have asked him, if I should list the house first then see an attorney. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Wednesday was my birthday, he gave me that mesh ring that only Tiffany's carries. I'd rather the housenote been paid. He's quit drinking for 4 days, he's appologized to me and my mother for scareing us with his anger. He's going to go to AA meetings on Saturday mornings. Does anyone know if it's possible to sell a new incomplete home in 2 weeks before Dishonest John knocks on your door to say he's come for the deed? I need prayers, it's so hard to appear as though nothing bothers you while you waitress with all this going on in your life. My townhouse has been on the market for a year now. My middle daughter, husband and child moved into it to maintain the maintenance fee which was cheaper than their rent was. She plans on staying a year there. My mom wants us to put her & my money together to buy a modular home in her name since my credit has been ruined. She's 79 with high blood pressure. That wouldn't work until I can get out from under that sale also. It's a cooperative, I have to sell my share first or I will have the modular payment plus the cooperative maintenance fee!! Does anyone know of a hit man????? Bad joke, just totaly overwhelmed, and rambling I'm afraid. I don't think I'll ever trust a man again, I'm 54, this is my third alcoholic & abuser. It took 3 years to see who he really is. How will I ever start over at my age, if I lose all my equity, I don't even have any pension for retirement.

Desperate

chameleon

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 3:31am
Hi Chameleon,

Oh dear...that was alot to take in. I'm shocked and speechless. You HAVE invested alot in this relationship. Unfortunately i don't know anything about real estate, going through lawyers and legal stuff. I just wanted to let you know that i am thinking about you and i will definately pray for you. I know someone here will be able to give you some good advice. You can always start over especially having a life without an alcoholic and abuser. You don't want to live the rest of your life being hurt or being abused. I don't know what you think but i still think 54 is very young and you can still do alot of things with your life. You deserve to be happy Chameleon no matter what age. Life can begin for anyone who leaves an abusive relationship. It may not seem like it but its very possible. So many hugs and prayers. Tia.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:39am
Chameleon,

I must say I don't know a great deal about real estate. I would say, don't do anything hasty. Take a deep breath. Contact an attorney FIRST. Do not list the house before you've talked to an attorney. He/She will be able to give you sound advice about your options and many will do a free consultation. Really, in a way you are lucky that the house is only yours. At least you won't have to split any profit with him. Also, you may be able to keep what you have if you have help from your children and your mother and finish it up before selling. I don't know exactly your financial situation, but calm down a bit and try to look at your options objectively. And, yes, there will probably be a lot of people who would buy a partially completed house. My aunt bought one a few years ago. It was mostly complete, but totally trashed. She and her new husband spent a year fixing it and adding to it. You wouldn't recognize the place now. They had a great time doing it. First and foremost, contact that attorney. Take care. You will be okay. Big hugs.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 10:21am
Ay, Chameleon, I'm sending some big hugs your way. Bad scene. Listen, I happen to be a bankruptcy attorney (in another state) and I deal with these situations regularly. My advice - see a bankruptcy attorney first to explore your options. This does not mean that you will necessarily file bankruptcy, but that s/he can explain the foreclosure process in your state and how long you have to try to sell your home to avoid sheriff's sale. I do not suggest legal aid. They're competent enough, but they typically don't specialize in financial matters, they're overworked, and you won't get their full attention. While you wait for them to call you, time's a wastin'.

You have several options. Depending on your income, you may wish to file for Chapter 13 protection which will protect the equity in your home while allowing you to bring the arrearage current by monthly payments to the U.S. Trustee appointed to your case. Most importantly, while you're in bankruptcy, you're totally protected from foreclosure or sheriff's sale.

I'm sorry I can't help more with the emotional mess you're in, except to send you love and hugs. Best of luck!

mo 7-18-10