What a Fun Week For Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What a Fun Week For Me
2
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 3:49pm
First the stuff with dh this weekend, now this morning I had to kick my 19 y.o. ds out of the house for smoking pot - dh and I got into his car this morning and threw 2 joints out. DS gets up, finds out, and comes to my workplace looking like he was going to hit me. I told him he needs serious help - he says he has no intention of quitting - that I'm the reason he has to smoke it. I told him to take his final college papers in tomorrow, and then turn his (my) car in afterwards. I shouldn't have even let him do that - I should have taken his keys away immediately. He has had this problem since he was 13, I just couldn't ever actually catch him with it. I gave him the names and numbers of some good treatment places, but none of them will see him until he makes the phone call himself - and he's adamantly not going to. I've been crying off and on all day - it's broken what was left of my heart. I saw a drug counselor myself about this last week, and he said I have no choice but to kick him out and change the locks on the door. Does anybody know how hard that is with a child you have raised practically by yourself?? I want to fix this problem myself, and have it go away. When I was his age, all it would have taken was my parents catching me in the act, and I would have stopped. No can do with DS - it makes him angry anybody is "interfereing". I'm having to kick him out because he's getting worse, and I can't have this garbage around my 3 y.o. dd. I know it's not my fault - I didn't tell him to go out and do this - but he's yelled at me more than once that it is all me - that he has to smoke because I get him so upset. He reminds me more and more of his dad, and I can't take any more of it - I went through 23 years of abuse from him - now I guess his son is going to continue the tradition. I only hate I lost my son who I adored - the drugs are more important than his real family is....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 4:40pm
The problem with addictions is that they become more important to the addict than anything else.
You cannot deal with this yourself. Only he can do that. It's unfortunate that he's turning out like his father - it makes me wonder if there is a genetic component to abuse. A friend of my Mum kicked her abusive husband out when her daughters were very young, and the eldest has shown similar behaviours. The friend was a great parent too, I don't see that she could have prevented it.
You've done your best. Obviously it is going to hurt but you won't achieve anything by beating yourself up over it. I'm not going to say I know how you feel, because I am not a parent.
One more thought though - if it's you that drives him to use drugs, he won't mind moving out will he? The fact that he's stayed in your home shows that statement is a load of rubbish.
Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 4:42pm
I am sorry about what your son is doing to you. My Abuser also smokes and he tries to blame on everything but the real problem. Addicts just can't see they have a problem with it. I am no expert or anything but I know that if you are on the drugs for a long period of time the drugs eventually take over your brain. Its not your son doing all these things its the drugs completely sounds like they have taken over his mind. You are in my thoughts and prayers