What My Life Is

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
What My Life Is
2
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 3:29am
I am writing this so there will be something out there that can not be destroyed.
I am tired of my life as I know it. The hitting , kicking , name calling degrating, all of of it. I am tired of my son having to see and hear all that is done, and the sad thing is I have no control I have nothing .
I know its coming .
Tonight he comes home drunk and just because dinner was not fixed when he came in I get kicked in the back and punched inthe head. then for crying I get called a whineyB***h, a fat lazy whore . I have been living like this for everyday for 4 years now and If I am lucky I might get 1 day a week where he is nice.
Night after night I get raped by him and he lets me know I have nothing and I will never have nothing.
He is mean to my son calles him names and hurts his dog. My son can't not even have friends over due to being afraid of what he will do or say to his friends. There have been times that he calls my son's friends name just to embarrasss my son.
I am allowed no money, I am not allowed to drive "his" car. If I answer the phone he is to know who it is before I say hello. I can't go to the bathroom without being accused of something and questioned why I was in there so long.
I am so numb from feeling I do not know what to do. I don't now what it feels like to smile, to laugh, to breath . I am tired, so tired.
The only reason I even get out of bed in the mornings is because of my son. He is all I have and he cannot take that from me.
Everything is always his way. what he wants We(son and I) can be freezing and he turns the air on if we are hot he turns the heat on. I cannot get anything to drink with out asking if I do I wear it along with bruises. He says he pays for everything he owns it all
I tried to work several jobs. He took my check and when he got tired of me working he would show up at my job and cause a scene to get me fired.then it was my fault I got fired If I wasn't such a slut I wouldn't get fired.
This is just a small notation of my life at least this will not be found and destroyed.
Avatar for sunshine2u2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 9:03am
Boy, that sounds familiar. 12 years ago I was married to a man like that. The abuse continued to escalate until he nearly killed me. It's not going to be any better. You need to get out of there. You are not dumb or stupid or any of the names that he calls you and it is not your fault. Are you alone while he is at work? You need to call the domestic abuse hotline in your area. I know that you are scared but you need to do this for yourself and your son. It will only get worse and worse. I have been there and I know this. I also know how very hard it is to get away but you need to. The domestic abuse hotline will put you in touch with help. You can get away to a home with women just like you while you get your life together. I will be praying for you......
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 3:40pm
oh hunny ***hugs***, so sorry this is happening to you, but you have made the first big step, you came on this board and posted. This board is a lifesaver, I pray for you, You will get out, and you will have a better life. You do NOT deserve the cr*p you are going through, no-one does!!! Please keep posting. We are all here for you. Be strong sweetie!! There is light at the end of the tunnel...