What is normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
What is normal?
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 3:09am
Looking back at the recent breakup/ (and the guy that represented me relapsing into an abusive relationship) I was wondering what was the driving force, not only that lead to us to start a relationship, but lead for us to keep in going, knowing, on both sides, that it was poisonous.

I knew for quite some time, that I was not happy in general in the relationship. But it took some time for me to actually reach my breaking point for fear of retaliation, and also, I think that I liked the attention.

Ever notice how abuser, or prospective abusers, how in the beginning, it just seems to good to be true. In vying for your attention, and to win you over, (so they can abuse you later) they really lay it on thick, and seem to be so intuitive to what your needs are, that any other type of relationship feels pale in comparison.

My now ex boyfriend lived acrossed the country, we are both attorneys, and we would talk at least 10 times a day. I have to admit, that I liked the attention, (although he was just probably keeping tabs on me)

And too, after things turn really really poisonous, and we were bantering back and forth, I have to admit, that I liked that too, and had to force myself to cut off the contact.

I tried to go the rational route in breaking up with him, and explaining why. Which just lead to a rage attack on his part, but instead of just not responding and walking away, I continued to argue with him, (at least up until a point. I think this lasted a week, until finally, I did cut off all contact)

So that just goes to prove. I am ashamed to admit this, by drama is more enticing then bordom. As much as this guy hated me too, calling me a man eater, he continued to call and bother me, which for sure, was probably out of sheer lonliness on his part.

It seems as though good guys, ( I dated one for five years, and the relationship was slow and steady.) I have to force myself to like. This slow and steady relationship was probably very normal, but lacked the passion I craved.

Have you guys experienced this too?