What is Wrong With Me!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
What is Wrong With Me!!!
1
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 11:44am
I am caught in this never-ending cycle with my current boyfriend. We got together about a year ago and things were fine. I didn't pay much attention to the random name calling, which still occurs today. We have had our share of arguments and some have gotten pretty heated. Last April, it went too far. We went out with some friends and then went to a house party. He was extremely drunk, no excuse..I know, and he got so mad at me that he punched me in the head. He went to jail that night and I swore I was done with him for good. For some reason, we ended up getting back together..and he swore it would never happen again. I believed him. He has never raised his hand to me again, but the name calling continues when he gets angry.

About a month ago, we decided to take some time apart...again..and he ended up getting back toghether with his ex. He denies that they were together and says that she was only staying with him for the sake of their son. Yesterday, he was going through a large stack of paperwork and I asked him what it was..he told me that it was the statement that his ex gave when she charged him with hitting her. I was astonished. He claims that it didn't happen and that she's lying. He put all the papers into a large envelope and went into his room. I waited for him to get in the shower and I went searching for the envelope..I know it's invading his privacy..but I had to know the truth.

He had hid the envelope, hoping I wouldn't find it...under his mattress. I read through each person's statement very quickly..and what I did see..bothered me a lot. They both claimed that they were dating each other and the police report stated that she had a black eye and bruises on her hand. I feel sick to my stomach for many reasons..the fact that this happened involving him in the first place..and the fact that I actually believe his lies. I think sometimes he believes his own lies. I, stupidly, believed that he was just being a nice guy by letting her stay with him..and that they weren't together..and I believed him when he said that nothing was going on between them.

Why do I continue to let him do this to me?? I've always considered myself a strong person..but when it comes to him..I'm powerless. I can't seem to stay away from him. I've tried counseling..did not do me any good. Does anyone have any ideas...I feel like he's draining the life out of me and I'm drowning. I've never felt such helplessness in my life. It's almost as though I'm addicted to him, as stupid as that sounds. Any, and I mean ANY, advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 1:39pm

Hey Amber -


We all got taken in by these master con artists.

CL-Blueliner4