What is wrong with me????
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What is wrong with me????
| Fri, 03-26-2004 - 1:02pm |
I have finally decided that enough is enough with my H. The final straw was that he was so immature and infantile that he could not help me give our toddler potentially lifesaving antibiotics for pneumonia, because it made our son cry. I just need someone to hold him, and keep his arms down, because, like many small children, he really fights taking meds. and spits, etc. What an idiot H is. I needed some help, so I had to call upon my mom to be here, over an hour away, to be the other adult in the house and help me with my son's medications. She has had to drop everything, and come stay here, because this is important, obviously. I have been staying with H because of the fact that I believed it was in my son's best interests, overall. Well, H has proven me wrong. He lives here, and he can't grow up, just for a few minutes a couple of times a day, to help the person, his son, he loves best. Add to that, he got very verbally abusive with me the other night, yelling at me and calling me a stupid b!tch, because he wanted me to do more respiratory care with DS. I even told him that what I was doing was exactly what the respiratory therapist recommended I should do...well, she was called a stupid b!tch, too. Apparently, H is the only one who knows anything...although, he won't DO anything. H was so mean, telling me that if I hadn't gotten it through my thick skull yet, he didn't really care what I think. When I demanded that he should treat me better, and speak to me respectfully, he sneered at me, and said that I didn't deserve any better, because I was just a piece of sh!t. I was so beside myself with anger, I actually spit on him! Thank goodness my mom was here nearby, or I am sure he would have hit me then. I told him very coldly that he was no longer a member of this family, as far as I was concerned. We have barely been speaking since then, just niceties and small talk in front of our son. I will be meeting with his psychiatrist next week to discuss the best way to handle leaving, or getting H to leave, without sending his unstable self into a rage. I am just so disgusted with him, I really am. He is utterly useless. He is a terrible role model, my son has learned to curse, and imitate his father's angry voice, complete with the gritted teeth. Lovely. I am looking into legal options, well, actually I have enlisted a couple of friends to help me find info and a good lawyer, who work in the field. H is a lawyer, and I have to say, it scares me. I know he will fight me into bankruptcy. Oh, and about money, he is now refusing to give me money for my school tuition for the summer semester, which I need to pay soon. He is such an A$$!!!!! Fortunately, I have a little bit of money set aside, and my mom will help me a bit, hope we can cover it. I spoke with my advisor at school, and apparently it is too late for financial aid, and, as I am still married, I wouldn't even qualify with my H's income. I hate him.... But, somehow...I wonder if leaving him is the "right thing"....HOW could I think that, at all? The last thing I need right now is self doubt, I know I am right, all of my friends and family absolutely agree that it is just a terrible relationship.....What is wrong with me? SOmetimes I feel confident, even optimistic about the futer, other times like right now, I am thinking that I am not strong enough to do this, maybe it wouldn't be best.....I am just so stressed out. Thanks for listening.

Right now you've done pretty much all you can do for the moment.
CL-Blueliner4
Hi lurkerlady...I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with this idiot.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
This wont be easy for you but I know you can do it. We are here for you and we care and understand what you are going through.
Take care of yourself lady,
Ree
Which brings me to my next point. About your H being a lawyer, I wouldn't worry about that one bit. One of the other posters made an excellent point - most lawyers don't see themselves as subject to the laws. Also, I don't know what type of law your H practices, but family law is a specialty. I practice bankruptcy and litigation, and don't know the first thing about family law. So, when I was planning to file for divorce, I hired a colleague who is a matrimonial attorney. Every other divorced attorney I know did the same thing. He's got no particular edge on you simply because he's an attorney. In fact, if he had any clue he'd be anxious to keep this all out of court because his fellow members of the bar are going to become privy to some "interesting" details of his personal life. . .
What a jerk, Lurker. I can empathize. Using all that respiratory equipment when you're not a trained technologist is so intimidating. I remember telling the respiratory therapist in the intensive care unit who was trying to train me in my totally sleep-deprived state after DS being in PICU for 10 days that I had obviously wasted my time in law school. How could I possibly learn something in one hour that s/he had gone to school for 2 years to be trained in? Then take that little bit of training and use it to save my DS's life??? Not too much pressure there, huh?
Well, I have to admit that my H is the hero in this scenario. Narcissist, yes. But he's a wonder with that respiratory equipment. In fact, he's better with it than I am. I am far more likely to stop a treatment early because I'm frustrated and DS isn't cooperating. H will get the job done and in that case I'm very thankful for his perserverence.
Please update after you see H's psychiatrist. You're absolutely right - if the ONLY reason you're staying with H is to help you with DS, and he's failing miserably in that department - you've got no reason to stay in your "marriage" any longer. Especially if he's threatening not to pay for your tuition. Absolutely no reason to keep him around. Take care, honey, and big hugs to you and your little DS. Love, Patchru
Honey, I'm so sorry for all that you're having to carry right now. As if having a DS with that diagnosis isn't enough. I wish I had something more constructive to ad, but I'm in a pretty different place right now. H has been diligently going for counseling for 2+ years and I've actually seen a big difference in the last few months. Enough to keep me from deliberating about a divorce right now, at least. The situation is workable and because H does have some significant good points (he's alot of fun and makes alot of $)I'll stick and stay for awhile longer and deal with whatever arises when it does. You know what I mean. Big hugs to you, Lurker. Hang in there. Love, Patchru.