when did the abuse start??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
when did the abuse start??
3
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 6:01pm

I stumbled across this board and wanted to post a question here it is...

When did the abuse start in your relationship? Dh and I have been together for eight years and he became physicaly abusive with me for the first time last Saturday night. During an argument he pinned me against the wall by my arms, the look in his eyes terrified me. I pleaded with him to let me go and he did. He left an obvious bruise on the back of my left arm.

What still strikes me is he doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong, and doesn't seem to feel that badly about how much it hurt me...physically & emotionaly.

I just wanted to ask what others thought, it seems unusal for abuse to start so late in a relationship but I guess people change. We are currently in the process of 'rebuilding' our marriage after he had a 5 month affair. What happened Saturday has been a whole new breach of trust. We are in counselling, and see our counseller next on Thursday night.

thanks for any input

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 6:36pm

Hi Mom, welcome -


In my case, my XH was never physically abusive towards me, but his subtle control tactics came into play very early.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 7:42pm

First off, big hugs go out to you.

Second of all, your husband sounds like my ex husband. To this day, I've been divorced from him for five years and away from his abuse for 8, he STILL Is blind to what he did to me and our kids. :(

Abuser are like that. They only want to see what they want to see.

The abuse started simple at first. Emotional abuse. Name calling. Putting me down. And then right after he found out I was pregnant, it got physical. I've learned that that's when the abuse usually begins with women. NOT ALL WOMEN, but some.

And for abusers to change their ways, they have to ADMIT that they have a problem. Sounds like your husband doesn't see that how he's acted is wrong.

My ex husband also cheated on me numerous times. We have five children together. One of them, our son who is 13, was so messed up by what he saw that he had to be placed into foster care and was recently adopted when he couldn't come home to his younger siblings. Don't make the same mistakes I did.
Abusive men RARELY change!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:48pm

My ex and I first started dating in the summer of `99, it didn't last all that long because we split up and he went away to North Carolina for college.

5yrssm