When do you stop loving them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When do you stop loving them?
6
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:53pm

It will be almost a year soon...that it ended. Why does he still stay in my heart. I know with my head the relationship was violate., but my heart still loves him. I also know I loved a ghost a man who never exsisted. He was a very controlling verbally abusive man. Oh and married too and not to me..But I loved him in spite of it all.

When do you stop loving them?

Hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 10:42pm

Hi Hope! You stop loving them when you finally let go...so let go! He hurt you and decieved you and conditioned you beyond conception. You have already identified who he was, so now the ball is in your court. Hold your head high and take the right turn in the road. You will see the light when you are ready to.

Hugs and good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 6:54am

I stopped loving my ex when I realized that he is a sociopath incapable of loving anybody. I don't miss him because I keep remembering the awful things he said the last time I saw him, the way he kept me hostage in my home, and how hit me in the head over and over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 7:32am
Its not love, in my opinion. Its "need". Its "being used to it". Its "lonliness". But

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 12:15pm

I think I know what love is. It is for my family and my friends that love me. I haven't found love with the men I married (2). They loved themselves, I know now, more. Great question.

Luv, Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 6:26pm

Honey, just remember that you loved a man who didn't exist(you said this yourself) because you never would have loved a man who treated you badly, right? You loved the man you THOUGHT you were seeing in him, the man you wanted him to be, the man he may have even lead you to believe he was. But you now know he is not that man. Let him go. He is someone else's problem now. You need to move on and find someone who is caring and loving, who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, and is 100% devoted to you. You've had a year to grieve the loss of your relationship, now it's time to have fun again. If he didn't care enough to treat you well while you were with him, he's not worth spending another second of your thoughts on and certainly not deserving of your love. You won't find true love if you're wasting time and energy on him. Once you get out there and start meeting new people, his memory will fade and soon you'll be wondering why you ever spent so much time thinking about him!

Good luck and (((HUGS))) to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 9:51pm

When I first came to this website two yrs ago, I had gone to a board before one of the CL's referred me over here.

5yrssm