when does therapy really help..

Avatar for winter2007
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Registered: 06-17-2006
when does therapy really help..
6
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 4:03pm

So I have been seeing a therapist for a while now. While initially it did help to get the validation, I am thinking it is no longer useful. I think I have enough knowledge to know what it is and what it takes to get from point A to point B. But how can a therapist be helpful if someone is dealing with the fear (or is it insecurity or combination of both) of the unknown. Are there any practices that specialize in those areas..is this a behavior modification technique. Is it better to just read books and articles on it. I know going for a 50 min session can feel nice to talk it out- but after that what? I also cannot keep paying $100/month approx on therapists. Though I admit it helps to talk but then if someone is not able to act on things or comes back to the same situation, what is the use?

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Registered: 01-04-2000
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 8:23pm

ask your counselor if he/she can work with you using some cognitive behavior therapy...this pretty much helps you explore what is going on and what are your options and how you are going to and willing to do to accomplish those tasks you wish to accomplish...sometimes having someone walking with you through the process makes finding the "right" answer for you easier than trying to do it all by yourself. If Cognitive behavior therapy is not working, then possibly the empty chair therapy...this would be where you practice saying things or doing things you need to say or do, and different ways to practice saying or doing them until you are confident with what you need to say or do...also there are medications for anxiety that might be considered, or, neurofeedback is really good for anxiety as well.

Avatar for queen_brat
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 8:49am

From what I understand therapy is not for everyone. The first person I went to I only saw once and knew no way she was going to help me, took a few times before I went. The first person my ex husband saw it also only took once to realize he was a quack. The second person I saw I stuck with for a little bit and she really helped me but I have no idea how long it took before she did. She left the dv center so I stopped going, I didn't want to start over. When I moved to New York I was seeing a guy and that helped. It was nice to have a man telling me I was on the right path. I saw him for a few years but after awhile I wasn't getting anything more out of it then I do talking to people.

It could be the person your seeing or if your not being 100% honest then I am told it won't help, my best friend thinks that's why therapy stopped helping me. It could be it is going to take some more time, therapy may not be for you, or you have so much going on that it is helping but your not seeing it. Look at it this way you have at least moved out part time and have the papers ready to be filed so it sounds like your making progress to me. Remember it takes time and even therapy is not going to help over night, I always wished it would LOL.


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Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:18am

I am not sure but I think you should stay in some sort of therapy.. Even though

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Registered: 01-03-2011
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 2:39pm
Therapy for me does the opposite of help for the most part. I get automatically defensive and deflect the issues to the point of it being harmful to myself. I am an enormous proponent of group therapy though. It has been truly amazing for me. I had heard before also that in dv situations, group therapy always works best. You might try that instead.
Avatar for winter2007
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Registered: 06-17-2006
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 9:25pm

I do tend to agree with you. I think for someone like me, who doesn't have a lot of family/friends to lean on, talking for an hour or so with a 3rd party helps as there is the push for making the change. I think it is helpful if one really wants to make the change. A lot of women (and this is for non-abuse situation but bad marriages), sometimes they stick through for kids or finances and find other areas of interest. If that was the case with me, I'd have probably stayed..But like my therapist keeps reminding me..'you are still young..is this what you want in your life..do you want it to get worse..no it will not get better..' I think those kind of reaffirmations work. And I do come out of it feeling better..but then after a day or so, it is back to the insecurities again. Also the exercise she makes me do sometimes - it doesn't work for me. But I do know I need to see someone fresh. I saw this other person who I really related to..but she doesn't take insurance..So it is a lot of money to keep going there. I did meet another person who takes insurance..but she wasn't any better than my current one. My current one is ok..but I would like someone fresh. Maybe I should keep looking. I think you are right, freeatlast, that I need some support and that is what therapy provides. (I have tried group therapy long back..it didnt do much for me..I feel private 1:1 is better for me).

Question for you

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Registered: 01-04-2000
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 11:01pm

Something that I have watched other, more experienced, counselors do is have the client write a list of 20 "Ideal self" statements..Such as I am more organized, I am more self aware, I am...Etc..But twenty of those..Then place them on the mirror they use to get ready in the morning..Each morning, as they look in the mirror they are to recite those 20 ideal self statements to themselves...OUT LOUD..There is something about hearing a voice say those positive statements rather than just saying them in your head..Where I found a lot of my confidence came from a neighbor who realized what was going on and instead of saying things like he is a looser why don't you leave..Etc..She would finish our conversations with something like "You are a good mom" or "you are a smart lady"..Etc..It was so subtle that I did not realize what she was doing but over a period of time I realized I WAS a good mom and I WAS a smart lady and I did not deserve to live the way I was living..Next thing I knew I was in school working on my bachelors....

If you do want to try the mirror trick, I would want you to add two other things....1) "it is OK to say NO" and 2) I am a kings kid and I deserve to be treated like royalty....

Just my two cents worth.