When is this going to end?
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 05-05-2005 - 3:20pm |
Hello, this is my first time on this board. I am usually on other boards but I found this one. I really need to vent and there is no one to talk to.
Let me give you some background on my situation.
I met my dd dad when I was 16 and he was 15. ( I am now 25) And I thought everything was peaches and cream. I got preggo. when I was 17yrs old, before I found out I was preggo. My dd dad got arrested and sent to juvinile detention home for a 1yr, 9 days later I found out I was preggo and he didn't come home until our daughter was 3 mnths old. My mom and my dad just got divorced right before I met him. And neither of my parents were doing good so I stayed with my dd dad's mom and dad while he was in jail. Well after he got out things were still fine. But everything started changing about a year after he got out of jail. He started being very emotionally abusive and had really bad mood swings, then it started with threats and then it became physical. well I stayed around for 2 yrs after the abuse started and then I found out he cheated on me and I left him that day and he came home to an empty apartment.
I went to stay with his mother cause I have no family they all live really far away and I have a wonderful connection with his mom. (his mom says I am like the daughter she always wanted but never had) we get along great and she has always been there for me. Well I left him and that was Jan 1 2001, he didn't care that I left, he never told me sorry and never felt bad for what he did.
Well I stayed with his mom just for a couple of months until I saved up enough money to get my own apt.(I have a good paying job)So I moved out of his moms and fot my own apt and he started comming around so him and I decided to move back in together for the sake of our dd but we agree that we were not a couple and we sleeped in diffrent bedrooms. Well that was a huge mistake and he became very abusive emotionally. And if I tried to talk back then he would charge at me and try to attack me. Well After 3mnths of dealing with that I literally made him leave, he was laughing in my face telling me he isn't leaving so I told him that if his stuff is not out of my apartment by the time I get off work tomarrow then I will pack all of his stuff and donate it to good will.
So by then he knew I was serious and he packed and left that night. Well that was the last time I ever lived with him. And that was a couple of years ago. Then I hang out at his moms house alot because we are very good friends and my dd is so close to her fathers side of the family. Well one day I went to my dd grandma's house to pick her up after I got off work and he was there (he watches her too) and I said come on honey lets go, and he said no I want to take her somewhere real quick and I said no I live on the other side of town I just worked 8 hrs I am tierd and I want to go home and I am not comming back to pick her up well he started screaming and cussing and yelling at me. And I was like you can't control me no more what are you going to do if I get married someday? Are you still going to try to control me. And when I said that he charged at me and through me on the floor started ripping my hair out of my head and he was holding my head down on the ground and right as he was about to stomp my head head with his foot his parents came home and his dad got him off of me. Well I left and went to the police stationan and I put him in jail and proscuted him. I relized enough is enough and I will not allow him to do this to me no more. And I stuck to my guns went to court and didn't back out.
Well that was a couple of yrs ago, and he hasn't touched me since. But we are around each other alot because of our daughter and his mother. He's chilled out very little. But I tend to ignore him and then he leaves. But just recently he was getting ready to go out and I was at his moms picking up my daughter and I accidently knocked his outfit downa nd it hit the floor so I picked it up and oh my gosh he flipped but he didn't try to hit me but he was very emotionally abusing me. But I jsut looked at him like oh well and left.
Well He finally got a girlfriend and he is a very needy person, there has been alot of times through the past 5 yrs we have been broken up he will ask me to do a favor like if I give you 20.00 will you go get me some smoke etc and you can keep the change. So I did it cause I was getting some money. But now he has this gf he has been with her for around 3mnths and she lives with him now, she was cheating on her ds dad with my dd dad and her man found out and threw her out and she now lives with my dd dad and she has a 5 1/2 yr old son and her ds dad won't let her have her son and she is not making no attempt in getting her son eaither.
Well I went to their house yesturday to pick up my daughter and her dad said can you go get me some smokes and you can keep the change. I told him no and he flipped out. I told him he has a woman now she can go get whatever he needs I am done with being his go-gether and it's her duty to do for him now and he had his friend there too that could of went for him. So he is yelling and screaming at me and I said you used to make me walk to get what you needed when we were together, so have her go get what you need. So he tried to charge at me and his friend stopped him. And he still didn't give me no money and he knows I needed some so I can do laundry.
I am so sorry this is so long but I am so upset. I would of looked like an a$$hole runinng for him while his gf and his friend was there. And 3 mnths ago when I found out about this gf I got relieved because I thought maybe now he would leave me alone. When is he ever going to leave me alone?
-Michelle

Hi Michelle -
The best thing, I think, for you to do right now is to get in touch with an attorney to get some visitation down legally on paper.
CL-Blueliner4
Thankyou so much for your reply I am soooooooo sorry it was so long but I have been dealing with this aggrovation for almost 10yrs and I have not been with him for the last 5 1/2 yrs.
I ignore him when he gets his attitudes and I am still at the same job that I have been at for almost 7yrs I am very independant. And dealing with him has made me into the strong woman that I am today.
But gosh everytime he gets mad about something or someone ticks him off he takes it out on me. He eaither calls and b****es or just calls me a wh*** or a b**** or a s**t. It's like dude grow up. It's so exausting. I don't love him at all and I haven't loved him for over 5 yrs and he doesn't love me. I thought when he got this gf 3mnths ago that he would leave me alone. But he's not. We are so opposite and I can't believe I laid in bed with this beast and actually loved this beast at one time in my life. It makes me sick.
He is so strongly involed in our dd life. But she is almost 8yrs old and it's not going to be that much longer until she notices how much of a a$$ her dad is and let me tell you, when she is 11 or older if she doesn't want to see him I will not force her.
-michelle
Don't ever be concerned how long your posts are.
Thankyou so much for your reply. Alot of people tell me especially at work and stuff that I am to hard and to strait forward and to focus, that I need to be less independant. And I tell them why this is who I am. I am a very nice person don't get me wrong. But I am a VERY strong person and I am who I am because of my past with my ex. And I don't allow myself to get taken advantage of. I am a strait foward and honest person with a HUGE heart.
I don't hate men at all cause I know there are good men out there, and I have been in 2 relationships in the past 5.5 yrs but they didn't work out because of bad timing. But I am single and I have been single for over a yr now and I love being single. What I don't understand is why everyone feels that I NEED to be with someone. I try to tell them that my life doesn't revole around being in a relationship. There are so much to life than just being with someone. But the people around me just don't understand.
I look back on all the stuff I went through in the past and it puts a smile on my face because I know I am a survivor. But once again thankyou!
-Michelle
Thanks for your reply, I am 25 yrs old and I went through this when I was very young and I was 18 yrs old trying to live an adult life with paying bills , rent , child, boyfriend and with the abuse physically and emotionally. And I am still so young that I am not in a hurry to get involed with anyone again. To me being single is great. I kindof feel bad for my dd dad's new gf because she has no clue what she is getting into, I would be really p***ed if I found out he hit her.
But I don't think it is my place to tell her. They have only been together for 3 or 4 mnths the most. And she already lives with him. From what I heard her story is that When my x met her, she was living with her 5 1/2 yr old son and his father. Well her ds dad found out and threw her out of the house and he keeped their son. Well when he threw her out she moved in with my x. Now she claims that her x was abusive too. And he will not give her their son. But I found out on the internet that in the state of ohio if a woman has a child and was not married when she had that baby then she is the soul custiodian and she has full custodiy of her child, unless they went to custody court before in the past, but if she never went to court then she has all legal custody of her son. And I am going to give that paper to my x to give to her.So she can get her son.
But she has no clue what she is getting involed in with my ex. And I don't think it is my place to say anything. But IF she was truly in a abusive relationship with her son's dad. Then I hope she notices the red flags. Cause she is getting involed with a big ugly green eyed monster.
-Michelle