You get your life back when you take it back.
I just wanted to give you some big ((HUGS)) and support.
I am going to give you the answer that I hate to hear but sadly it is the truth. It takes time. No one knows for sure how long it will take that is up to you and how fast you heal from all of this. The abuse did not happen over night and I have been told it can take as you were with him to heal; I really hope not because I was with him for 12 years!! I don't think you will see a big difference till the legal crap is behind you and you can delete those text messages. I had voice mails saved on my computer and forgot about them. After the divorce was final I found them and when I listened to them and him with his veiled threats I could not move. The fear was back and I felt horrible and this was after I heard nothing from him for awhile and was "free" of him. I deleted those messages and so never will stumble on them again. It will be six years in May since I left him but it still took awhile before I was free from him. There are days that I wonder if I a because someone will do something that will send up a red flag because it is something he did in an abusive way and sometimes the person that did it was not trying to be abusive,
Sadly abuse changes us but that is because everything changes us so when you get your life back it may not be the same as it was before but it can be better if you choose to look at it that way and can find a way to put the past behind you. I am not the same person I was when I met my ex husband but I think I turned out OK. I still struggle with things and some of it is over stuff he did but I recognize that and do my best to turn things around, it doesn't always work but sometimes it does.
I think it will take the amount of time you need...
Sometimes it's good to keep those for future reference, like future court date and/or legal proceedings but also for me it re-affirmed I had made the best possible decision...reminds just how "Abusive" my ex was and is.
They LOVE playing the "Blame game", it's ALWAYS our fault never theirs.
As for the "Minimizing" it's what they do...same as getting mad when we choose to leave, not stay or come back or have the audacity to actually "END" it...it's ALL about them, control and manipulation.
It's funny to how they can so jealous of us but we can't be jealous of them or have any negative feelings where they are concerned.
According to him I should accept that he cheated on me with a friend of mine, mmm...something wrong with that picture, not quite right.
They try to isolate from family and friends and make you feel "Bad", ALL making them our whole world but they are not.
Without them we can take back our power, our lives, and belief in ourselves.
Trust ourselves again, feel free, and safe to be who we really are, not their "Vision" or "Version"...
I have not had any contact with him in 10 months. I do have to see him when I drop off and pick up the kids, but
No Contact is very important.
Glad you haven't had it and when you do it's supervised.
It will get better...
I am sorry you have to see him when dropping off the kids.
Thanks to all of you for your words of encouragement. I have PTSD, which I was told explains a lot of what I have been going through. I was assured once I start treatment for the PTSD things will start to improve.
There is a PTSD Board here at ivillage...
Here's the Link to it.