When others say he is a great guy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
When others say he is a great guy...
12
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 6:40pm
I am confused by how I feel when outsiders tell me how wonderful my husband is. I feel angry. I want to feel happy that whoeverit is thinks highly of him, but deep down,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:42pm
Dear Tills:

Hang in there with your son. Maybe once the substance abuse is gone, you two can get back to working on your relationship.

It's so funny how these guys are convined that we need them! Mine blamed me for the financial problems, too. During the attorney's discovery of HIS checking account after I left, he has overdrawn his account more than 6 time every month for the last seven months! And that's with his mommy & daddy even bailing him out financially! Gees, I guess they just will have to find someone else to blame and kick around-literally! Hopefully, both our x's will hit the highway and never look back. My life is so much more stable and sane without him in it.

Hope today finds you feeling better and know that you've got support here... Take care of yourself (first and foremost!).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 2:35pm
Thank you so much for your support. My son has an alcohol problem and he has admitted it, but he is not yet willing to work on it. He had been in counseling, but it has not helped and he stopped going. I told him that until he is willing to deal with his problem head-on, then he cannot stay at my home. Sadly, my older two also abuse (socially, if that can be said). They are of age to drink, but that is not all they do. However, they have not attacked me like their brother did. The most difficult part of this has been to start putting myself first. I have never done that and it is difficult to change the mindset. That is where I think FA will help.

I do hope the x hits the highway. That will force all three of our children to grow up, because they are with him and he does nothing to stop the behavior. He is in denial over so much of this, even after his house was raided by the police last year. If he does not see something with his own eyes, then it did not happen and if he does see it, it gets changed into something that is acceptable. I do not allow those behaviors in my house and they all know it, so being with me is not an option unless they all clean up their act.

To this day, even though he admitted (and apologized) to our children and my family for his abusive behaviors during the marriage, he now denies ever admitting anything to anyone and we are all liars for thinking he did admit to it. My attorney has letters written by him, where everything was admitted to. His abuse was so subtle that if I did not have "proof", then nobody would believe that such a "great guy" was capable of such ugliness.

The sooner he is out of the area, the better for all involved.

You hang in there too.... and thank you again.

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