When will i learn or wake up!!
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| Wed, 04-06-2005 - 7:43am |
Hi friends from across that big pond........
Ive been here so many times , i think looking back i have been posting for about 4 years now........gulp?
You would think a woman of my age ( 42) would have a bit more sense , SEE sense , and be able to do something about it , but no , i keep coming here and posting , hoping someone will give me a miracle.
Probably the only miracle in this is me for putting up with all this ****.
Sorry im in a very sensitive state today.
Im not sure i said this , i probably did ,we had an "incident" at home with him screaming into our 14yrs daughters face a couple of months ago?
Since then weve all gone downhill again.....rapidly.........we are all finding it hard to get up in the mornings , both girls are having problems going to school and college, i feel as if we are just going through the motions , not living as we should do.
As beforehand , ive brought this up with him , and told him the problems we are having , and REMINDED HIM THAT WHEN OUR 14 YR OLD WAS 3 HE WAS TOLD TO GET ANGER MANAGEMENT, but has he , OH NO HE HASNT!!! , and he comes back with - " its not my fault , you wind me up , if you would do this , that, etc , i wouldnt be mad "....
What a load of rubbish .........
I think he should be grateful that someone would put up with this for so long ,
I mean , theres no love , affection , no presents when hes done something wrong like most abusers , we havent had sex/made love , in 5 years or more .
I am carrying the daily burdens for all of us with no support whatsoever, and im still alive , only God knows why!!
Our 14yr old is up and down with what she wants , one day she wants him to leave , the next day she thinks im being such a bitch!
She says we are as bad as each other , if only she knew how miserable and unhappy i am.
Our 18 yr old says tell him to go , NOW , dont take any notice of anyone else , at the end of the day its my life ,
Please give me some strength and advice before i stop beliving in myself.
Tracey x x x

Tracey,
Hello back from the other side of the pond.
Sounds like your gut knows what you want. I know that's scary and hard to think about. When I left I was just so exhausted by my husband. He would want and I would run and scramble to deliver and he would want more and more and more. To the point that I realized it didn't matter what I did he still wasn't going to be happy with anything.
My husband did the counseling anger management thing supposedly after I left as he didn't want to lose me. They told him to stop and think about his words and actions before he does things. Yeah, that helped. It just made him realize faster he said or did something stupid and would call and cry and apologize.
My husband never gave me gifts either to make up. We didn't even have make up sex for that matter. I just knew when he started talking to me again that things had passed, but the whole issue behind things just never got any better.
I always think about if my best friend came to me and said the same thing you are saying what would I tell her. I bet you would offer support and let her know that if she wants out you are willing to help any way you can and support her.
Find a local domestic violence place near you and get a appointment for counseling. Talking to someone who deals with this everyday will help you in so many ways.
Sounds like you have 2 terrific daughters. Don't let them think that this is just how marriages work. I know you want better for them.
Welcome back, hon -
Now, I could have sworn you got him out and you and the girls moved, because the health of the older one was suffering.
CL-Blueliner4
Thanks Blue X
I at present looking over my old posting to reaffirm what is going on and that in fact he WILL NEVER change , othrwise he would have done by now.
Just to point out too
Amy , my youngest got very upset last night and come to me and told me that she DOES realise that he needs to go and the problems that she is experiencing ARE to do with him and what he did to her a couple of months ago.
She says she feels responsible for what is happeneing because he did it to her , ( which ive told her isnt true ), and that she feels sorry for him coz hes going to be on his own again , ive pointed out that this is all his doing and if he was so concerned about us and how we are all feeling he would take it upon himself to get help and let us move on !!
She agrees with that , and is now trying to come to terms with the fact of him not being here ever again......
Coz beleive me ive had it this time ,
Katy , my eldest, approached her dad about her boyfriend ( whos lovely) taking her away for the weekend , and JOKINGLY said "youd better start saving up for the wedding" , her dad turned round and told her that he has no interest in her boyfriend , and just not to disturb him when hes in the house watching telly , and if shes going to get married to go and do it somewhere else so he doesnt have to pay for it !!!!
She said , " youre not my dad, and to be honest i dont know what you are , but youre not a dad"..........
I think that says enough.
amen
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/help/index.htm
There may be some information here to help you. I don't know much about your background as I'm new to these boards.