When will it end???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
When will it end???
4
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 9:31am

I used to be a regular to this board about 6-7 years ago, when I was in a very abusive marriage.

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 10:04am
It's makes perfect sense to me because I could have written your post. I left my ex husband a little over 6 years ago and most of the relationships in my life, not just with men but family and friends, suffer at times due to me over reacting at times over insecurities and trust issues. The guy I have been seeing off and on for 4 years has the same problems and the only reason we have lasted is because he doesn't give up on me. We have gone once with not talking for 3 months but by my choice not his. He kept texting me stupid stuff in hopes I would respond and it took his son texting me for me to do so. In that time I tried to see someone else and that didn't work. Recently we didn't stop talking the way I planned we would but I started seeing an ex, not my abuser but a few feared he was abusive because he has a drinking problem, that I felt was safe because I knew I could trust him and he had always made me feel loved but it wasn't enough, he also lives 350 miles away. I love the current guy I'm with but I hate the issues I have. I was in counseling for a few years but it was no longer helping but in defense to that the guy I'm seeing now is one every poster here would have told me to leave a year ago but things have changed and we are doing better. But my issues come up more then his does. Mine like yours still has contact with an ex, she's just an ex gf who now lives 8 hours away but she helped cause some of the problems we had in the past, but he is to blame the most for allowing it. I hate when she contacts him and hate that I feel that way but for me its not a deal breaker because she moved away and does not contact him like she use to and he doesn't respond to her when I'm around.

I had to admit to him our last major fight helped us. We had some really good talks and that lead to better understanding and has helped us to communicate a lot better. Now when I start to over react he knows to just be quiet till I'm done or to reword things. I also was able to get closure with the ex and know no matter what we won't work. I hope this time away from your guy helps. Things aren't perfect here but I don't think they ever will be and perfect may be over reacted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 12:06pm

Has either of you ever gotten professional help with your problems?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2006
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 6:56pm

I just wanted to say that I think you did the right and strong

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 10:06pm
What if we are looking at this wrong? What if we are trying to hard to heal? What if the person who helps us get past the past has to teach us how to trust again? But we are to caught up thinking we need to be able to simply trust and that isn't possible? I know it would be asking a lot from someone but I want someone to give me proof they deserve my trust. We have been though a lot and maybe trust with someone we want to be with won't happen till we find the one who understands and gives us reason to trust?

My ex tried to kill me and up till that night I trusted him not to go that far. There were a few other things he did that I didn't think he would do so my trust in people is real low because now I feel anyone is capable of doing anything. I am really wondering if sadly to trust I will need to find people who can teach me to trust.

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