Who to Trust?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Who to Trust?
4
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 5:22pm

Okay... I am have some MAJOR trust issues here. My post regarding CPS and therapists as mandated reporters is quite disturbing to me; it seems unfair that I could lose my child because I was a victim of abuse. And then there's the reply regarding the woman who lost custody of her son to her X because therapy records were brought into court. Regardless of HIPAA privacy laws, this is downright scary. So, trusting a therapist is not lookng good here.

Okay... police. Well, they too are mandated reporters and if I am the victim of abuse, then CPS could take my son if the police are called for my protection. Oh sure... my husband'll be in jail for a few days, but I'll have lost my son, my house, my job (hubby and I work at the same place), most of my belongings, and did I mention my son? So, the police can't be trusted either.

Next... the DV shelters. Well, don't know if they can be trusted or not. I do appreciate the anonymous hotlines but feel unsure if they'll try to report to CPS too if I were to try and utilize their shelter.

This situation seems hopeless. It would crush me to lose my child because I am such a loser for marrying an abusive man. And, the therapist did say they will remove my son from the home if he is witness to any abuse. I would curl up and die if I lost my child.

Now I understand why women stay in abusive relationships.

~Cyan

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: cyan_2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 5:45pm

The shelters will not report you.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cyan_2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 6:09pm

I just posted on your other post about CPS. In this specific situation, say you had called the police and your husband went to jail. the Police/CPS would probably not have removed your kids because the danger was out of the home. Now, lets say H got out of jail and returned home and you let him back, yes CPS would take another look at removing the kids. Do you understand the difference? If the "victim" is cooperative and willing to look at the situation without minimizing or denying and is will to get help, there is no reason to take the kids.

On the other hand, if you went down to the jail right away and bailed him out, took him back in and refusing to work with CPS, yep, it is highly likely they would take your child.

Do you see how it is different? If they see that you are able to put your child's well being first and do everything to make sure that child is safe and well taken care of, there is no reason to take the child.

I suggest that you get back in and see that therapist again and explain your fears. She might be able to make it more clear. Either that or find a new one, it is okay if you don't get along with a therapist, you can try someone new. Please don't shut people out, it seems like you could really use the support.

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
In reply to: cyan_2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 11:00pm
If you left, then there is nothing to report. If you stay, you must cover up the situation like I said, and that may back fire on you anyways.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: cyan_2005
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 10:06am

First of all-YOU ARE NOT STUPID, DUMB OR NAIVE IN MARRYING A ABUSER.

Abusers are good at hiding things, omiting things you don't want to hear, doing what they should do at first. It's like gaining weight. You gain 5lbs and think wow I need to cut back on the snacks. They at 30lbs your like what happened here.

I was with my ex husband for 7 and a half years. The first 5 were fine. The last two went progessivly downhill.

I have been to a shelter and have talked with their counselors. They are there to help and will explain the laws to you if you have any questions.