why am I like this..?

Avatar for winter2007
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Registered: 06-17-2006
why am I like this..?
13
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 8:03pm

So last week and half, I had to go emergency out of town..the lawyer extended the date. But would you believe, I still have not served him? As I was out for 2 weeks, I said to hold off. And then today..I am again having 2nd thoughts. I really dont know what is going on with me. While I am not expecting him to change, I am maybe afraid of DD's reaction ..I honestly dont know what is wrong with me. It is a big mess. I know I can no longer afford to live on my own without support payments and that should be enough incentive. Maybe part of me just want to get back to the house and let things be. I know and I understand that it will only be temporary before some major blow up and all the hard work I have put in will be ruined.

I know all that..but still writing to ask what is it I can do to maintain focus, face the fear and do it anyway. I know I have asked this before. But I am writing again..I feel I have nobody else to talk to. Thanks.

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Avatar for cajunharmony
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Registered: 02-28-2001
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 9:39pm

Winter, before you can have any resolution to all these "what if's", you have to DO something. Once you take that step and serve him, you will get "unstuck" and start to move forward. Right now, hon, you're stuck in neutral and going nowhere. In order to move forward you're going to have to get "unstuck", and get him served. There's no way you can anticipate what will happen or plan for it in advance. You just have to make up your mind to serve him and then deal with what comes after. Right now, there is no focus, it's just status quo. So, as a result, the same old, same old tapes are playing in your head. Get him served and replace those old tapes with new ones. If you don't take that first step there will be no progress of any kind. My best to you.

ETA:

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 12:13pm

My thoughts are to stop trying to figure out why you won't do it and just do it!! In the end it doesn't matter what you took you so long. All that really matters is you did it. Quit worrying about what DD will do. What DD will do is throw a fit to try to get you to stop changing her world. She does that every time a change happens but then she gets over it. Stop caving into her fits and do what needs to be done!! I know easier said then done but again your teaching DD it is acceptable to throw a fit to get your way and we both know its not.

I think its fear of the unknown holding you back but what about the fear of living this way for even six more months? I bet if you go back life will be even worse at home then it was because you will not only be punished for leaving but he will gloat that you couldn't make it on your own!! Do you want to live like that?

((hugs)) and good luck!!


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Avatar for winter2007
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Registered: 06-17-2006
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 7:48pm
Still nothing..atty is out for a week..and he is coming back next monday..
to be honest, I am just too tired, too worn out..I think I have a problem letting go of my being a mom full time. I think he will get 50% at least. sometimes I think rationally, yes, ultimately she may come IF the house gets sold or something. Then I think it will be so much hard to go through with it and i should just let it be for 2 more years. Then I think I know it will get worse ..but I suddenly am in a frozen mood..where I dont know or dont want to do anything..I just hope I get it back..i mean get my resolve back. thanks
Avatar for cajunharmony
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Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 9:03am
Winter, you keep using the word "hard". Don't you realize how "HARD" it is to keep living the life you are living now? Compared to the life you have now, serving him and going through with it will be a walk in the park. Once you get that done, and things start moving to get all that mess resolved, things are probably going to get "easier" in the relative scheme of things.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
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Registered: 06-17-2006
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 1:01pm

over the weekend, dd had another meltdown, was school related. I had to come back and help her. I just dont know what to do anymore - I honestly do not think she will be able to take it. Call it effect of childhood, teen harmones, girl drama..whatever. I just think me being around her is absolutely necessary. I tried to find from lawyer if he could be asked to move. But it is not going to happen. There is nothing incriminating against him. He has been ok..sort of leaves me alone. I know this is all temporary and nothing changes unless he accepts his responsibility . But on the other hand, I truly believe I waited too long. I dont have a crystal ball for the next 3 years. I am just living at the moment. And as of now, she is too fragile to deal with things.

Avatar for cajunharmony
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Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 7:21pm

Winter, it's your choice to make.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
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Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 2:15pm

I think deep down, I am still trying to convince myself that it wasn't that bad and the pros of staying outweigh the negatives.

Especially when I read the post below of queen brat and livelday..He has left me alone but I do think this is like the quiet phase. If I were to start living fulltime, things would revert back.

As for DD..I tried talking to school counselor and they called her in..and this made her more mad. I did have a talk about her meltdown..and she retracted. I havent had much success with getting her to counseling..she is very closed up. And she has no time..She is in sports team now..and she is gone 8 - 6 every day at school. I am hoping that those diversions will help her to manage stress.

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Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 5:50pm

Winter, I hope you are right about DD and the sports team, but I am afraid these "diversions" will give her MORE stress.

Avatar for queen_brat
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 11:06am
I agree with geo and sorry but I think they are used as excuses to not deal with problems and with the way she is acting should be cut back on or taken away. I know thats not a popular view but to me sports are extra and if you can't or won't behave in a healthy manner you don't get to do them. Some how you have to get though to her and it may take really tough love. My oldest is finally starting to understand this. She has been pretty well behaved since I told her if she didn't straighten up she wasn't getting her drivers license. I know the two are different but thats what matted to my dd. Track normally does but with the asthma problems right now she hasn't been able to and may need it to anyway.

Good luck! Being a parent truly is the hardest job we will ever do but I stick by my thoughts that you are doing her no good by letting her get her way on everything. I am not blaming you and I use to do it with my children and for me once I stopped things changed around and I hope they do some how for you. Hell had to give the boyfriend a dose of tough love this week because he was starting to take me for granted but the jury is still out on if that helped or ruined us, if it ruined us its his fault too.

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Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 8:55pm




You are too hard on yourself. I recently found out my 14 year old daughter had 9 shots of cherry vodka. The other kids put her in the shower, tried to sober her up, but then put her in a bed while semi-conscous. She could have died.
Teenagers experiment and have problems at this stage really no matter the situation.

I really do think you are overly worried about things in your life. I think you are always thinking the worst.

Maybe some anxiety pills would help you deal with anything that comes. You can ignore some of what's going on around you.

You want life to be perfect. There is no perfect life. You can't make decisions because of the severe depression and anxiety that is overwhelming you. I don't think you should make any decisions at this time until the frame of mind is right.

Look up Eckhardt Tolle or Robert Smith on the net. Both are good. They are life coaches. Their views on life and how to deal with it are amazing.
sweets35

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