why am I still scared of him..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
why am I still scared of him..
7
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 12:15am

I am still scared of him..in the sense..not physically scared. But I find myself reverting to 'yes' to avoid conflicts. Why ? Because I still feel trapped with DD. We are trying to negotiate settlement and lawyers charge a lot for even a 15 min phone call. It is either I get ruined financially or just say yes to avoid conflict. i feel I will always be scared and submissive to him. main thing due to dd. someone said,,he will still be at your dd's wedding..he will never really go away. I will continue to be controlled by him indirectly. Even now, my heart skips..is this natural? what are some ways you cope? I feel due to dd's emotional state, I was never able to be as strong and come down on him as I wanted to. People are right. When you have kids, you are never away from him.

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 12:45am

Because you are use to being scared of him. It is what you know. You know how to handle being scared of him and giving him his way. You do not know what to do if you stand up to him. You also have DD and her fits to put up with. I have been there and done that with the ex. I didn't have the same issues with my children that you did but DS act up in what I think was to cause a distraction to stop the fighting between his father and I. With my ex he wanted sex and I gave in many times to shut him up to keep the peace. I felt like a whore!! But it didn't matter how it made me feel I gave in time after time because it was easier then dealing with him when I didn't and I think that is why you are scared of your husband. It sucks but sadly when we stay we have to do things to survive that we don't want to. When


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Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:40am
  • sweets35
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 12-06-2001
    Mon, 04-16-2012 - 1:51pm
    Rely on your attorneys, and institute of rule of "NO CONTACT". If you don't have to hear from him or speak to him, you'll slowly build up your confidence in yourself and the ability to stand taller. He knows that you won't fight back, and it IS easier to submit just to not argue...but sometimes, you need to have the balls to do just that!

    How you cope is by doing several different things: 1) medicine (ask your psychiatrist for something to help you cope); 2) exercise (which is the hardest thing of all to do); 3) eat properly (your body needs nutrients because you're going through a 'flight or fight' syndrome); 4) yoga and/or meditation (you can download free podcasts of Meditation Oasis); 5) laugh! Just learn to laugh again, which is actually harder than it sounds.

    Avatar for winter2007
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 06-17-2006
    Mon, 04-16-2012 - 2:12pm
    Thank you all for replying. Another question..he is in turn denying all and actually saying he is the one who was ABUSED? Does it get more classic than this? It is weird, all the stuff I read here..I believe he is not that low and then boom, he behaves in every Classic sense there is.
    Avatar for queen_brat
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 03-26-2003
    Mon, 04-16-2012 - 2:19pm
    it is never them. the bruise on my shoulder was the toys fault. umm he was the one holding me down to the stupid toy!! yes your h is a classic abuser. i don't care how abusive they are it is wrong and you deserve better!! and yes they always turn it around on to us

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    Avatar for winter2007
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 06-17-2006
    Mon, 04-16-2012 - 2:43pm
    Avatar for queen_brat
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 03-26-2003
    Mon, 04-16-2012 - 6:53pm

    I agree winter it is very hard for them to change and most do not have it in them to do so. They are to weak. We may not agree but we are the strong ones!! I also agree that they are psychopaths. I told mine I thought that of him after I left him. He was trying to convince


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