Why can't I leave? Please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Why can't I leave? Please help me
2
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:13pm

I've been feeling so horrible and guilty lately. I've been lying to my friends and family about my relationship with my boyfriend of almost two years. In the past he has thrown shoes at me for falling asleep before having sex with him, has called me stupid ass for doing something he considers wrong or not smart. He once called me stupid ass for accidently letting his cat out of the basement. I stood up to him but he pretty much blew me off like it was no big deal. On new years eve I was telling him how glad I was that I was able to get out and enjoy the weather and he yells at me. He said that I was trying to rub the fact that he missed it in his face and that wasen't true. These things don't happen all the time but they do happen. Other times he sweet and romantic and fun to be with.
I feel like I'm falling apart. I stayed up all night last night crying. I cried this afternoon. I feel like it's making me sick. I'm so unhappy but I've been good at hiding it from everybody. Still I feel like I can't walk away. What's wrong with me? Why can't I leave? I don't even know what steps I need to take to leave. Please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:26pm

Oooch.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:38pm

hi astra,

I know how you are feeling, I felt the exact way for 3 years, I am now unhappy, scared and lonley, still with him, but i am leaving as soon as i get enough money to go. You know in your heart&soul if you want to stay, listen to it, my inner voice has just began to voice itself, after years of abuse. Like cl-blueliner4 said, it has to be up to you.

You deserve to have your own life and live it any way you frickin want to =), someone that claims to love another does not put them down and make them feel low, they are there to love us, not to scold us. So hunny, whatever you decide, do it for yourself! You deserve the world, let us know what happens.