Why do I even care?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Why do I even care?!
2
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 12:35pm
Haven't posted in forever!! DH and I are separated....he's still living on his parent's couch (6 months later!)while I have sold the house and found myself an apartment, moved myself etc. LOL What a shocker!

Anyways, I have been on some dates and eventually met a great guy who I have been seeing for 2 months now. I have no concerns or complaints with him! :) However, I found out through the grapevine that the stbx is now dating someone too! This has brought up a whole new crop of anger! He is begging everyone not to tell the girl why we are really divorcing. Meanwhile, she is leaving an abusive marriage!! UGH!

I just get pissed! How dare he do this to another person? I also don't want to see him move on and be happy! That is so selfish of me! He's in an abuser program and I can't see how they are not suggesting he not get involved with anyone let alone someone who was abused! I know he hasn't changed. I hear it in his voice when I do have to deal with him. I just can't believe this information has incited anger in me again! I do not want to be with him... I am quite content being without him and alone or now with this great guy. But anger, anger, anger!! I have such the urge to call him up and yell at him!! About what? I have no idea!

Is this normal?? I also have found myself binging (food) since I heard this. Very self destructive of me!

Advice anyone???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 1:21pm

Welcome back!


This is so, so incredibly normal - both the fact he's got a new victim (how typical of him to go after an abuse victim, too - he's probably

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 2:53pm
thank you for the response!

I have definitely been cautious about getting involved with someone else. I very carefully dipped my toe into the dating pool and anything/anyone that made me uncomfortable I cut off. I think it has actually helped me in starting to trust my judgement again! I have kept my guard up and radar on! I also keep on going to counseling which helps tremendously. My counselor definitely helps me in keeping my eye out on the whole dating situation. I have made huge strides and finally feel like I can start trusting my instincts again. For awhile there I didn't think I would ever trust them again!

He is definitely not changed and I feel so terrible for her! She will hopefully see it. His brother is now getting divorced too. So his wife and I have been talking on occasion. This is where I got all the info from. Turns out his brother is not the saint we all thought! He turned verbally abusive, is addicted to phone sex, has been hiding money and spending it on we think a girlfriend!

My final frontier of recovery will need to be my food issues. Now I need to focus on my binge eating and get myself back into shape. I now need to start controlling that now that he isn't trying to do it! And let me tell you... it is so nice to be dating someone that isn't constantly harping on me about what I look like, what I eat, etc. Someone who actually asks if I would like dessert! The decisions are all mine again and it's great!