why do I feel like this?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
why do I feel like this?????
6
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 5:58am

Well, Friday night, STBX told me that he had no interest in working things out, had no interest in going to counselling, nothing like that...he wants a divorce. Now, obviously, I'm the one who originally left, so why do I now feel so horribly rejected, unwanted and generally depressed?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 6:57am
You need help, but you don't need those people in your life at all. Not your ex and not either set of parents if they would make a comment like that about church. You just have to get through this. Maybe you will have more energy if you majorly distance yourself from these people. I got so much done after I left my H. Then before you know it all 3 of your kids will be in school and you will be done with school and your life will be so much easier. You just have to find a way to get through these next few years. I had twins and nobody would help me. Not my H . My family wouldn't help either without giving me a bunch of BS. So I got through it, it was very very hard because I was getting woken up anywhere from every half hour to every two hours around the clock, for five months straight. There was no break and no relief and I had an older one to take care of too on top of that plus work part time. But I just got through it with no help from anybody, sometimes I was so tired I cried from nothing but tiredness. But I'm glad I did it without anybody. No matter how hard it gets, the key to me is distancing yourself from abusive and negative people . I just tune them out and brush off everything they say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 8:34am

I'm not surprised you're hurting. After all, you've invested so much of your life and energy in your marriage and have had all his BS to deal with. Not to mention your sons, your pregnancy, work, school...

Sam, I honestly think most people would have trouble finding the energy to do all you're doing. And that's without going through a divorce and coping with negative family on top!
I take my hat off to you. I feel so much awe and respect for you.

Your STBX doesn't know what he wants. I can tell you what he doesn't deserve - a wonderful woman like you. And if your family are more concerned with the congregation than the welfare of you and your sons, they don't deserve you either.

One day, when you're past the worst of all this, I hope you look in the mirror and feel nothing but pride in yourself. You deserve it hon.

Rowena

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:29am

Sam I'm in agreeance with Ray and Rowena on this one.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 1:08pm

Goodness, if you put a bag over all of our ex's heads, we couldn't tell one jerk from the other from the sounds of it....... These ladies speak from experience, and they are right. He is one confused puppy. No, wait, I like puppies. Well then some other nasty animal. They ALL are. You have a classic case on your hands I am afraid. The cure is to get the h*&l away from him ASAP and stay away.

Hurting is completely normal and go ahead a cry a bit. It sometimes feels better. But then don't lose site of the end of the tunnel. It is there and it is a h*&l of a lot brighter than the place he will be staying behind in. You have so much going for you. You are a great mother, a strong lady, and you are doing so much to move yourself ahead despite all the hurdles. It WILL pay off. But for now, ignor those who are too insecure themselves to know how to help you, and spend time with good friends who will lift up your spirits. That includes the kind people here who are very willing to listen when you need someone to talk to. We can be your own personal cheering team! And gladly will I boo the jerk on the other side.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 3:29pm

{{HUGS}} Samantha,

It's perfectly normal to feel sad and depressed. When you end a relationship, it's like a death.

JUst remember that this is the BEST thing for you and your children and your future child.

Remember... Take care of yourself. Your children need you to be healthy and strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 3:13am
Hi, sweetie. Everything these wonderful women said was right. They hit the nail (nails?)on the head. You WILL get thru this. You WILL. One step and then another step, but you WILL get thru this. If you can ever find some counseling (divorced, abuse) sessions for yourself one on one or with a group of women, do it. You will get a load off. You deserve nothing but the best for you and your children. But please, take it easy. You need more than anything to take it easy. I know this is easier said than done. I hope physically your STBX will chip in more with the kids, especially once you deliver (then he will have no choice). But know, that even though we are not physically with you, we are rooting for you all the way. You are NOT ALONE. G-D is with you, always. And like some of the other women said, one day you will be out of this tunnel and out into the bright sunlight where you deserve to be. Let us know what is going on always. I know I will keep you in my prayers. Lots of Hugs.