Why do I still love him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Why do I still love him?
2
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:41pm
Why do I still love him?
There are so many things wrong now that weren't in the beginning.
He hit me the other night - I fell and chipped a tooth- which he filed back into shape for me the next day- before that he bit "out of passion" and plays rough-
and instead of feeling bad about him- I love him and feel bad about me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 6:40am

Welcome, Miss.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 9:46am
i found myself struggling with that question even after 8 months of leaving mine and having no contact. He managed to find out my cell number and left a message. I actually felt sorrow for him when he told me his "it's so hard without you" speech. At first i was really hard on myself for still feeling for him. I was confused that i could feel so bad about myself like what was wrong with me and yet have some emotions left for him. I went to a group session at the women's center and let me tell you something the counselor told me. She told me " You still care because you are a caring person, that is the good in you. There are not all bad the relationship you were in so you will still care and try to fix that person and your relationship. The abuser will not change though and all the caring you do will not change him. You have to explore your boundaries and begin to develop and enforce them. Some one in your life told you or showed you that it is ok to be treated wrong and you have to tell yourself that it is not...:
I don't know if this will help but the message to be was very powerful. I am a caring person and i shouldn't have to change that good quality about myself, i just have to keep myself removed from my abuser because he is toxic to me. I have to continue to work on my boundaries so next time i will reconize the warning flags that were going off all around me..
best wishes