Why do words hurt so much
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Why do words hurt so much
| Mon, 10-09-2006 - 12:07am |
He's at it again, I can tell. His words are so cutting. I tell myself not to let them get to me but they just cut to the very core of my heart. I cried all last night.
I just hope it stays, like this and it dosen't get worst. Do you ever dread some days, I knew it was too good to be true to have a little peace.

Words are just as damaging as fists. And what's worse, the damage is invisible so many people will tell you "you're overreacting". Guess what, if what he said made you cry all night you are NOT overreacting.
You don't deserve to live like that.
Verbal abuse can be just as painful and hurtful as physical abuse because those cutting words & derragatory remarks that are spoken to us, hurt so deeply that those emotional scars are burried deep down within us. That's why it hurts so bad, especially if you've had to listen to it for so long. I've had to deal with it for 28 years of my life sadly to say. I've dealt w/parental AND spousal abuse, none of which is fun. I was my mother's punching bag for 18 years of my life, from then on out, she would cut me down and make hateful & deragatory remarks to me and would could care less how bad they hurt me. My sorry excuse for a mother (and yes I will call her that from all the abuse she has put me thru and the reggies here know my story and how that woman treated me and still does) would victimize herself all the time and she still does. My abusive ex, he wouldn't think twice about putting me down either, but yet, he couldn't stand it when someone made fun of him or put him down.
Patricia Evans is a good author who has written books regarding verbal abuse and I recomend you read them. She has written several good books, one of which is my favorite called "verbal abuse: survivors speak out" and she also has one called the Verbally Abusive Relationship. Both are good reads.
The one thing that my H told me that hurt the worst was a a few years ago when his father died and he was taking it really hard. I kept trying to help by making him laugh or kid around with him and nothing was working so one day i tried picking on H a little to sexy like i guess cause we was laying on the bed and he got mad, jumped out of bed and said
( what, do you want me to pick between you and my father )
I fell to the floor crying and i felt something inside me break at that moment and just because i was crying he came over trying to hug me and i pushed him away so that made him even more mad then he yelled. ( then take your clothes off and we'll f**** )
I didnt want to argue and i already hated him so i did what being molested as a child taught me just let him do his thing and get it over with...
I havent felt any love for him since.
I also know what you mean about having an abusive mother.
I grew up with my mother telling me that i was an oops, a mistake cause she went 4 years after having my brother she didnt think she was going to have anymore.
Made fun of me and my sisters for being fat, she gets mad cause we have bigger breasts then she does..lol. One time i went to her about H and mines problems and i said i didnt know why H didnt want sex anymore she told me ( maybe cause your too fat )...
Sh has said things like that all my life and she still does to this day..
Hi Army,
I am sorry to hear that you had a bad night last night (or the other night)
You do not deserve to be treated like this. Any man that treats women like that and yells and them and yells at them is worthless. I know it is hard to read this. I do know how you feel. If people said this about my abuser I would be very sad... but it is the truth. My abuser was horrible and I deserve so much more than him. He made me cry and cry... and you know what - he did it on purpose. What kind of man makes a women cry???? An Abuser!
Sorry to burst your bubble - but it won't stay like this. It might get better for awhile, but it will get worse and worse over time... never better like we all like to think.
"Do you ever dread some days, I knew it was too good to be true to have a little peace." ** This is a very important key to your freedom. You know that it is too good to be true to get better. Deep down you know it won't get better. Deep down you know you have to leave. You need to trust your gut on this one. It is telling you the truth and your gut it warning you to get out. Please please trust your gut.
Hugs. Lauren
Hello Armyleo, I put up with this for 14 yrs and during that time convinced myself that I was just as much the curse of his anger.Getting anxiety attacks were just the norms for me as I would lash out and fight back with him but he would use nasty hurtful words (slut,etc)that just did not make sence as I was never that type of person(I was a virgin never had a boyfriend etc when we married). I felt like I lost myself......
I could not take it anymore; no matter how hard I tried I was never trying hard enough.I looked at my son and said to myself how can I make my son live in this environment when all he sees is a great lady being treated like this. How will he know the difference when he grows up. I did not want to poison my son anymore. I needed peace I had to get out of the relationship as much as I was breaking the family apart.I had to do it for my sanity -I used to get anxiety attacks when we argued about the simpliest things.
Now that we are separated my boss and so many other people come up to me and say how happy and great I am looking. It's been about 11 months since I separated and since then about 5 months ago and I meet this guy but he was not serious about me. However,I was hanging on in hopes that he would change his mind. Eventually, I realized that the abusive relationship with my ex was causing me to became needy and desperate for acceptance and love and I was never that type of person before I got married. The great thing was I didnot have an intimate relationship with this guys so it was easy for me to pick and move on. I just focused on how happy and at peace I am now and how life is great. It still is not easy because I still have to deal with my ex as he calls me and blames me for causing him so much pain because he loves me. His thing now is to accuse me of being a bad mother for breakup the family. Yes there are days when I still cry and wonder if what he is saying is true but my family is such a great support and I just keep reminding myself that he is not controlling my life anymore....I can sleep in peace, my confidence is so much better and for the first time since my marriage I have found myself.
I hope you will get this epiphany sooner than later or before it is too late. Best wishes and good luck
Verbal abuse is punching and kicking aimed at the soul.