Why Does He Do That?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Why Does He Do That?
6
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 6:41pm

So, per cajun's advice, I got the Lundy book Why Does He Do That...I'm a bit over 100 pages in and am scared I put too much into my expectations...don't get me wrong, I am enjoying the read, a lot of 'yup, that's him' moments, but I think I expect this book to make me 'feel' freed, or something..I don't know how to explain it. Please don't misinterpret this as me thinking it's not a good book- #1, I already have found it's worth and #2, I haven't finished it. I'm starting to think I have to find a way to get a therapist..this book has already put that in my head..Man, I am one messed up chic. I feel like I'm suffocating from the silence..I'm so sad over his 'hate' letter..bottom line, I'm obsessing over him. And I guess I was hoping the book would also make me make the right turn on to Apathy Blvd. *sigh* The reality of the work I have to put into getting my life back is overwhelming. When I was en route to the dr today, I actually said to myself, 'my life is really over, there is no way I'm ever going to feel happy (outside mom life)..get butterflies over a new man..nothing. I feel like I'm just going to obsess over this 'man' forever, while he merrily goes about his life. ok, shutting up.

I'll get back into the book later tonight...and thanks cajun for telling me about it- it really is good.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 7:58pm

No, it is not easy rebuilding your life and it does tick us off when we see the abuser apparently living it up and having no worries.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 8:38pm

So I did watch the link you posted...it was funny..and I commented on that thread. Admittedly, I did see the post when it first went up, but honestly, I come here to see what women are saying, feel like I'm not the only person on earth living like this, and since it was unrelated, I skipped it. But it made sense to post. It was nice of you to post and I thank you. Very cool to click a link that wasn't taking me to more authors on violence, or an article about it, etc. I will keep that in mind going forward.

So the book- it is very good and I wasn't just relying on what you said..You put it in my mind and when I looked it up, I read comments from readers, etc and I thought 'bingo, I'm going to read this and I'll stop thinking of him, I'll get happy, etc'..it was pretty dumb to think. Again, the book is a great tool and I look forward to getting further into it.

I am at my limit, but I have not tt my dr about my life lately. I love my family dr, but I need a therapist..maybe I need meds, but we'll get to that. I do have something for anxiety- I've had it all my life, so how nice I've been involved w/ a blankety blank blank for 8 years that did nothing but bring anxiety to my life...(anyway) I'm a little scared of anti-depressants, because I took one (and of course don't remember which one) but I had terrible side effects..and felt more anxious..I just want to feel calm.

Again, many thanks for all u do.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 10:51pm

Okay, you just want to feel calm.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 9:16am

Hi;

Oh; I love rescue remedy.. I forgot all about it but I used to use that when I had a stressful job taking people on tours. They would drive me nuts so I would take the rescue remedy and feel calm very quickly..

There is also aromatherapy but I havent done that in a long time.. I also heard that yoga a few moves a few times a day will calm your nerves.. or even simple walking.. but I dont think you can do any walking now Liv can you??
There are alot of ways to calm yourself down ..and you just have to try the ones that work for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 10:29pm

I will have to check into that...I take it there's no potion for heartbreak. I wonder if hypnosis would work? My luck I'd be put under and come out w/ some trigger word that made me scream 'quack' or something.

Man, I do 'get it'. I can even give great advice, I just still feel stuck in jello. I think a huge problem is my immobility w/ the foot surgery. I split my incision, which caused more probs. I have to just give in that I have to keep this foot up and it will eventually heal and then maybe some new things will happen in my life to help me get thru this friggin process. I'm very lonely and that doesnt help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 10:28am

I know and too bad t here is no remedy for heartbreak.. Only time and healing and support groups and reading alot of self help books and venting on here of course..

You could really try and join a support group.. Thos DV places that cajon was talking about.. I went to one once and it was very helpful even if it didnt do as much as I thought I was validated and there were women there in the same boat as