why does he do that..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
why does he do that..
4
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 4:49pm

ok..the 'peace' is over..after a reasonably ok week of vacation, returned yesterday..started to clean up at home..suddenly mr hyde popped back, degrading me, snapping at me for everything, telling me I do not maintain house, telling me he does not want another 'kid' in the house that has to be told what to do. I kept quiet as I did not want to spoil a new years eve thing with mutual friends. After we came back, I have refused to talk...he is continuing his bad behavior of slamming doors and muttering things about how I cannot maintain house..disrespect, rude towards me. He gave dd a fancy gift..dd is catering to him..Ok..even after all this experience I still have to ask..why does he do that?

As all know, I had plans to leave but DD kept me from leaving. Even now I think I can leave only if I do so alone..trying to think IF I will be able to handle that..the flip side is as everyone stays, his on/off behavior will continue..as is apparent now.

(sigh) how do I leave (alone) and why does he do that..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 01-01-2011 - 6:14pm

I tend to think he either has

sweets35
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 8:34am
Winter, just an injection of reality here. Your DD did not keep you from leaving. YOUR choice to stay did. Have you read Lundy Bancroft's book entitled "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men"? It answers this question and many more. It also addresses the Jekyll/Hyde personality. Good luck.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 1:51pm

thanks sweets34 and harmony..

I know sometimes I have to still circle back to the whys of abuse. Why he does that...it is his ingrown sense of entitlement, power and control..his way and his rules. It is a way of putting the control..and degrading others makes him feel good about himself and his own self worth. Yes, we all need to be reminded of this..

cl_harmony..you are right..it is me who can make the choice..but the reason I said about DD is she did influence me indirectly. I did not want to leave at the cost of being away from her..in that sense she did play a role..when she put her foot down..yes..there is a chance that she will eventually turn to staying with me..but I am scared if not..a lot of kids unfortunately are as manipulated and do end up staying with abusers. For me, it is a question of 3.5 years more..if not now..

sweets35..hope the kids grandma visit turned out uneventful and you were able to keep her away.

hope everyone has a safe and healthy new year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 9:42pm

Yeah I think she went back up north by now, she usually stays a week or 2.

sweets35