Why the Guilt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Why the Guilt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
| Sat, 09-30-2006 - 10:51pm |
I went to court yesterday and got a partial order of protaction against my abuser. I also recieved the costody papers and date this week. I've been awarded temporary costody for our son. Now this morning he calls and wants to take the baby fine. He's being all nice and we're getting along fine.(this is before papers are served) well fast forward a few hours he gets the papers and is all indignant a family friend served him the orders and she said he looked like a sad puppy. She felt bad for him. He was just like why why would she do this to me. Anyway I felt so angry and sad this afternoon. Ohh as soon as his mother walked out of the house to see what was going on he was like. I new she was going to do this to me I knew it. But in an angry tone. Anyway he came to pick up the baby today and asked if he could keep him over night I said that that was fine. But then he refused to discuss with me what he needed to bring for the baby and what time he was going to return him tomorrow. He was like why do you need to know is there anything he has to do tomorrow. I'm just like he is a four month old baby obviously not (i didn't say that I thought it) I said no but I need to know how to plan my day. Anyway I had to pry out of him that he would bring him home mid afternoon. I was afraid to push further because then I was afraid that something bad would happen and he would harass me and then I would have to call the police and he would get arrested. I say I would have to because there is an order of protection he can come here talk to me and all that but he cant be mean basically I can write the wording of it later. Anyway I feel that if he violates it then I have to show him that he can't get away with doing these things to me anymore so I try not to agitate the situation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I know that this still puts him in controll of me yet I feel bad and guilty and like this awful person eventhough logically I'm aware of the fact that I didn't do this to him he did it to himself and that any respectful person would understand why I wanted to know when our son would be home. But he is not a respctful person and he is playing up the poor me with everyone else. How do you deall with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so frustrated right now. At least I'm rid of him
thanks for listening.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I know that this still puts him in controll of me yet I feel bad and guilty and like this awful person eventhough logically I'm aware of the fact that I didn't do this to him he did it to himself and that any respectful person would understand why I wanted to know when our son would be home. But he is not a respctful person and he is playing up the poor me with everyone else. How do you deall with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so frustrated right now. At least I'm rid of him
thanks for listening.

Hi Dragon Fly,
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Nothing is wrong with you. You are acting like a normal human being. He is the one with something wrong. You are fine. You are on the right track.
"I feel bad and guilty and like this awful person even though logically I'm aware of the fact that I didn't do this to him he did it to himself"
This is very important what you said. You know that he did this to himself. He is the cause of the problems. I am happy that you understand that. It took me awhile to understand that it wasn't only me at fault, but it was him too. He is responsibile for his actions, but abusers never admit their responsibility.
"and that any respectful person would understand why I wanted to know when our son would be home."
I would be so angry if that happened to me. Of course you have a right to know when your son will be home. He is probably just trying to be difficult with you. He knows how to push your buttons now, and he is probably purposley pushing them.
You know what he is like. Other people might not know what he's like. They do not know the evil side of him that you do. That is the thing about abusers. They hide their evil ways really well. The only people that actually know his ways are abusers victims.
Good Luck. You are doing nothing wrong. Stay Strong.
Hugs. Lauren