why obsession and depression?
Find a Conversation
why obsession and depression?
| Sun, 01-07-2007 - 3:18pm |
Even though I don't want to get back together why do I obsess and why am I depressed? You'd think I'd be glad....one of my friends w/no DV experience is so cold if I say I miss the good stuff etc... she focuses totally on the "bad'....I'm struggling. I also feel "jealous" if she's w/someone else...It doesn't make sense. But I'm weepy. My stomach is in knots. Some of it may be that I never cried before so now maybe I feel safe-not going to be criticized or dismissed/discounted.

Pages
Hon, you've been through so much, no wonder you're putting a lot of energy into thinking it through.
You know what, I have been thru the exact thing you are describing. I still wonder about my ex.. where he is, who he is with, what is he doing. I actually think it is quite normal to have those feelings. I just wish I could turn my brain off sometimes, because I hate when I think about him... My abuser said to me one time, I cheated on you twice. I was shocked, I hung up the phone and wouldn't answer his calls. (This was after I left him) I finally called him back and he said it wasn't true, and he didn't cheat on me.. He wanted me to feel the way he felt when I lied to him!! He was F***ed!!! I still wonder if he actually cheated on me or not.
The other thing.. people that haven't been in a DV situation, just don't understand. They don't get it.. they have never dealt with the manipulation, jealousy issues, trust, feeling guilty... they just don't get it!! They never will, unless they are in an abusive relationship.
That is why the board is wonderful. We all understand what everyone is going thru or went thru. We know the feelings of "good times" and "bad times". It really is hard to forget about the good times and just think about the bad times.. but it comes as a package, and the package is named abuse.
((((((HUGS)))))) Lauren
Thanks for the post-I feel like I've been hit by a hard object and am both stunned and hurt. I feel like my life is topsy turvy and I'm trying to right myself. If my depression doesn't lift I will do something about it. I am doing good things for me but the minute I slow down or am home alone, it hits. I'm irritable too with my pets...I'm just way out of sorts. It's actually many things together-empty nest .
I need support right now and to know I'm "normal" whatever that is....I'm very sad.
Hey Lauren,
Thanks. It's not so simple-if it was we would have left long ago. Unfortunately by the time I "woke up" my self esteem was in the gutter. And although I'm a very not-jealous person, I felt really crazy to feel cheated on.....not logical but emotional. .
The friend thing-like I already posted I feel kind of let down but I don't think "outsiders" get the sheer destruction of it. And that time takes time. And I feel angry that she's so impatient with me. Don't go to empty well for water....
I ache inside. Loss of the good stuff, loss of the "dream", loss of the idea that if I loved hard enough I could change things-I changed things alright-I made myself miserable by tolerating unacceptable behavior.
And it's crazy making. I just got an e-mail from her that said she was hopeful that we'd "make it" but will respect my wishes to be left alone and that she keeps me in her prayers.....I don't wish anyone harm but I do hope there's karmic justice -I don't know but I feel very badly inside. And alone. I'm telling myself it's normal-I don't think I got over the last relationship so honestly i think I'm reeling from the fact that 2 people manipulated and hurt me!!!! Both relationships lasted 6 years. I'm trying not to be pissed at myself but to LEARN from it-I grew up in horrible household. Thought i was healed but obviously not.
You take care too. Healing takes time. And quite simply ,although I have good and happy and free moments, the pain is very there at other times. My therapist told me to just go with it and i"ll heal faster.
Thanmks for being there.
Hi Beth! I miss him tonight. I wore his coat out to have a smoke in the garage, I wore his sneaks too. I miss how he smells, laying in bed w/ him. It's been so long!
He had the kids last night, and there was heck to pay when they came back! It was over an hour before DS would hug me, not even, he let me hold him. DD told me on the way to pick up oldest DD that Papa said she had to watch me. Our DS said STBX could come home when I said he could.
Sorry, I'm not trying to rob your post! Just relating a bit. Noone to criticize here either, except through innocent children. I know you'll understand that!
Why us? Why any of us? All we did was trust in others.
Adding more Beth...
You've done the best you can w/ what you've been given. Come on now, you're a nurse in pediatrics, raised 2 boys, and been through how many abusive relationships?
Alright, we have a pattern! You and I both, and plenty others on here! We're moving ahead, we recognize it for what it is and we'll be alright, even though it'll be hard.
We all found each other here, we have support now! It sucks, but we'll be okay.
Take care,
Carrie
Thanks Carrie...I'm sooo glad I have this board and all you guys! I know that it'll take time and it'll get better...
I think too that these relationships take so much time and energy that when they're gone it leaves a huge space. I know that I'll have friends and activities and look forward to that-but it's transition time...
Sorry about your kids reaction when they came home-I could always tell when older son saw his dad-he'd be angry and irritable and cranky with me. When they were younger they'd come home dirty, had colds, hadn't taken asthma meds-glad those days are over...sometimes actually we see each other when kids are home-within the last year or two we've had some mutual dinners at restauraunts for birthdays or last night home before college..he's a lot nicer now.
Take care-glad you had fun on your night out!
Beth
It sounds like your having a rough time. You've been through alot and it's natural to be emotional. I understand about trying to tell your friends what your feeling and they look at you like your from another planet. But they haven't been there so they don't understand. All of mine are like yours and bring up the bad times. And while i can't dispute the truth, we did have some good times.
Just try and stay strong. Take care of yourself and if you need to talk i'm here.
Dakota
Dakota
Hi Dakota,
Thanks for the support-it's been an emotional time. Every time I really cry and get some of the pain out I feel better...and then it starts again. Kind of like the flu-you get nauseous, throw up and feel better and then get queasy again-seems like an apt analogy.....I hope in a few weeks I'm kind of "over that hump" and feeling better. I read a little of a book that's been helpful called "It's My Life Now" and she explores all the ambivalent feelings and the losses-of the good times, the hopes, one's sense of self.....I know it's been amplified cause both my kids are away at college, I had surgery in October, my kitty died and a dog walking buddy passed away a few weeks ago from breast/liver cancer. So why do I think I's be without pain? It's crazy thinking. I think it's the intensity that's gotten to me. At times i feel overwhelmed....I thought i'd be so happy to get her out of my life, but I have mixed up feelings...I just need to cry when I need to and let it out and keep moving forward....it kills me cause she was so cool and calm when I was practically hysterical crying. But at least I have a soul, a conscience....if that's what she gets off on then so be it. That's not what I'm about...
How are you? You haven't posted in a while...I hope all is going well....give us an update!!!
hugs and prayers and thankyous,
Beth
Pages