Why oh why

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Why oh why
4
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 9:43am
Why oh why can't I just get the words out of my mouth. I get so aggravated with myself. Here H is away on busy and ask over the phone how things are, and I still cannot say it...it's not working, I want out, etc. Why do I start filling guilty about hurting his feelings, it’s just so puzzling. Well thanks for reading, just need to vent my aggravation with myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2006
In reply to: ckfriend
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 6:07pm

Yes, I get it! Me, too. In spite of the fact he was a jerk for years and is probably STILL being a jerk (with a better disguise) I worry about his feelings. I really don't want to hurt him. I just want some type of peace and calm. And I want to stop waiting for the next shoe to drop. Separating him from the kids is hard, b/c if someone separated me from them I would literally wither away and die. I don't want anyone to feel like that. I can't just say "I want a divorce" b/c I am afraid I won't want it in a few months. So I keep on going to therapy hoping to get a stonger sense of the "right " thing. I just can't get a handle on making such a life-altering decision.

Eventually we have to get to the point where it is worth it to make a permanent break. Somedays I feel like I am there, and some days I don't.

Good luck. Hugs and Prayers!!
V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
In reply to: ckfriend
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 6:21pm

Oh wow.. oh wow.. I have posted this same question over and over and over. I have seen two people leave their husbands (who were in the same boat) and I am so very enviouse of them. I wish I could. I wish I could worry more about my happiness and my children's happiness than his happiness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
In reply to: ckfriend
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 7:57am

ck,

This is what I do to face an unpleasant situation that none the less must be faced. Practice, practice, practice. I do guided imagery in my head. I script out my "lines" then go through all of the possible responses from the other person up to and including his physical violence. I try to make sure not to let him get between me and the front door and make sure I have the phone in my hand.
Good luck sweetie, I know you can do it. For all of your sisters out here, DO IT!!!
XOXOXOXOX

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
In reply to: ckfriend
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:37am

Ck,

You ask why? Because you are a good person who cares about everyone else. I did this for 35 years with my ex. It took me this long and moving out of state to get away. I didn't plan it, I stayed for as long as I could. Finally it got to where it was so bad that one of us was going to get hurt, left and lost everything except my life. Now with all the help I got here when I started this jouney in 98, I gave it a name "domestic abuse" by Patricia Evans, and "New Beginnings" I am starting at the age of 60 to live each day. Don't waste years like I did, we didn't know back then what it was. Take care and keep posting,

Luv, Sherry