will time help?
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will time help?
| Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:26am |
Hi, this is Sooyon. Thanks to all of you I've been doing okay. I haven't seen my exboyfriend for over three weeks now. Ony a few phone calls (from him mostly). A lot of times I feel lonely and depressed but I try to remind muself of the nasty things he had done and said to me. It really helps me when I begin to miss him so much.
What I'm most concerned of is my relationship with other people. Especially poeple at work. My ex didn't like me talking with or looking at other men. So naturally I was very aloof with the guys at the office when they were being quite nice to me. (I started working last December.)I couldn't even face them straight when they talked to me. Because my ex hated lies (he made me swear on my family's lives whenever he wanted to be sure I wasn't lying) and I didn't want to have to go through a tiring argument everyday after coming home from work. They might have thought I was very stuck up.
After I broke up with my ex, I finally found out how the guys at work looked like (different from what I had imagined). I feel more comfortable talking with the people at work. But I feel like I've lost the chance to get closer with my colleagues, both gals and guys. They're all very nice people. I'd like to get to know them better. But I'm so low in confidence and I'm orifginally a very shy person. (I think that might have made it easier for my ex to isolate me from the rest of the world.) I don't know how to get along better with them after acting so stuck up for the first three or four months. I like my job very much. (I translate Korean news into English at the broadcasting station.) And I know it would be much more pleasant to work if I could get along much better than now. Will time solve this?
I haven't told anyone about the true story of my relationship with my ex. Only my mom & dad know he's been nasty. But I'm almost ready to tell my friends soon. Is it good to tell your friends? Because I'm worried I might just make a fool of myself.
What I'm most concerned of is my relationship with other people. Especially poeple at work. My ex didn't like me talking with or looking at other men. So naturally I was very aloof with the guys at the office when they were being quite nice to me. (I started working last December.)I couldn't even face them straight when they talked to me. Because my ex hated lies (he made me swear on my family's lives whenever he wanted to be sure I wasn't lying) and I didn't want to have to go through a tiring argument everyday after coming home from work. They might have thought I was very stuck up.
After I broke up with my ex, I finally found out how the guys at work looked like (different from what I had imagined). I feel more comfortable talking with the people at work. But I feel like I've lost the chance to get closer with my colleagues, both gals and guys. They're all very nice people. I'd like to get to know them better. But I'm so low in confidence and I'm orifginally a very shy person. (I think that might have made it easier for my ex to isolate me from the rest of the world.) I don't know how to get along better with them after acting so stuck up for the first three or four months. I like my job very much. (I translate Korean news into English at the broadcasting station.) And I know it would be much more pleasant to work if I could get along much better than now. Will time solve this?
I haven't told anyone about the true story of my relationship with my ex. Only my mom & dad know he's been nasty. But I'm almost ready to tell my friends soon. Is it good to tell your friends? Because I'm worried I might just make a fool of myself.

Hi, Sooyon! I've been wondering how you are, and am glad to see you've been able to keep the ex away from you. Fortunately, he doesn't seem to be as persistent/obsessive as some abusers. As far as getting closer to the people at work is concerned, the best things you can do right now are smile, say hello (use their names), ask questions, and listen attentively. Since you've been stand-offish for several months, they will be startled if you are suddenly effusive (and it wouldn't suit your personality, anyway)--starting slowly will work better for everyone.
For the next week or so, just smile and say hello to everyone. The next week, keep smiling and saying hello, and ask if they had a good weekend, if they think the nice weather will hold, if they're looking forward to some upcoming event, etc. Then listen to the replies and make a closing response, such as "Me, too," or "That sounds like fun." After you have done this for awhile, they will begin to ask you the same questions. They may also ask you why you are suddenly more forthcoming, and you can tell them that you felt shy at first, but they are such nice people that you feel very comfortable with them.
Your job sounds like a lot of fun, by the way. No wonder your English is so good! I know that took a lot of work.
"Time heals all wounds" is another one of those cliches that really is true. It is tough now, but the longer he is out of your life and you go with NO CONTACT, the easier it will get.
As to what to tell people, that really is an individual thing. I'd say it's a "need to know" basis; tell relatives and close friends, but it's not really anyone else's business unless the subject comes up or there would be a reason they'd need to know, such as if he starts harassing you at work or whatever. Just tell whoever you feel comfortable telling, and take it slowly.
But I have you all here. Thank you so much for everything!