This lady's H reminded me of your H...
THANK YOU ! This fits to the core. Except MR Perfect turns angry and abusive if I decline to do things his way. Maybe the original poster's DH is the same.
By the way, I am having same thing as sweets35 described in post. Today I was having heart palpitations, last night had a v disturbed sleep. Woke up at 1 AM and laid in bed till 3 AM. I felt so tired. This is not good for me. I have realised that the only way to leave is either say it upfront to him and do a settlement or go to apartment (that I have now let go) and start process (fear is DD's anger and all the backlash that is going to come). Also after seeking out apt twice and not leaving before, I am tight on finances. My thought is - if push comes to shove, I will get myself a hotel suite for a month..so i am not signing a lease and losing money. Today and even now, my heart palpitates as I am dealing with some big credit card bills and other family sickness in addition to DD's usual HS drama and him being critical of my every move (this should be done this way, this should be left this way.. I tried to tell him if he didnt like it he can do so himself..but then he says my attitude is bad and starts to yell..or lists out ..all the things HE did right..) I am starting to come to terms that I have to first save myself before I save DD..and I have to get out first.
All I can say is I keep moving closer to that resolution every day though it may not seem like to people here..
"she wants to know how to live with it.."
Well, sienna, I think I am further along than her..as she is hoping she can change him. And we all know that they cannot be changed. So she is still hoping/wishing she can somehow live with it..well..she can ignore like we do..but it will crop up again..as if he is truly the abusive kind (as it seems like) he will bring up these things again..I will try to reply in that thread.
But thanks again..this helps. I am just at a realization that I know what will make this end..and it is me leaving and it is a Q of how to do this without DD's drama or wait till 3 more years..which seems hard..so just taking a week at a time.