Wondering...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wondering...
2
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 2:10pm
I have been thinking about how my dh wil not help me with money. We have our own accounts. I pay 300 towards mortage and then I buy the food and things for the kids and house. Our bills total about 1100 a month just for the house hold bills, not counting food and the kids and soap and stuff like that. Anyhow I work part time and only bring in 632 a month whereas my dh makes 13.50 an hour. So in reality he pays out 800 a month towards the house and I pay the other 300. The 300 I have left goes towards the food and kids and household things. So I have nothing to spare. I cant even buy me new jeans that I need. I had asked him to give me 20 for the bike I got my son and at first he said yes and now its no. I dont think I am asking to much. I dont ask for a lot of things, I dont ask for money all the time. I think this is fair considering he pay 200 for his daughters x-box for her birthdya. Plus also I paid for the cake and icecream and chips and party stuff. I just thought it would be nice if he gave me 20 of it. Nope. He won't. I dont think I am being unfair. Do you? My friends and my mom think that he should be willing to give me more as he does make more and its not like I am asking for a lot, I use to think it was a fair deal but now I dont think so. Right before christmas he gets a nice bonus from work and he always gives me 300 for christmas. He started giving me this when his daughter was 2 and now we have two more kids and he still gives me only 300. i have to come up with the rest of the money for christmas. I asked him for 400 last year, to strech it farther, you know-but nope he wouldn't. Last year was the first year he actually spent the money on the house, before that he spent it his stereo, his tv, etc...You get the picture. I didget a nice 800 video camera one year, but you know Now that I am buying for three I could use a little more. I didnt ask for a lot, his bonus is atleast 4 thousand every year. this year he plans to use it for the property taxes, which will leave him atleast 2 thousand. Its come to the point that if we get anymore refund checks (it was a house insurance refund check), guess what? I'm cashing them and using the money for the things we-me and the kids) need without telling him. I am actually thinking of doing this. I am never dishonest about things like that. he usually gives me some of the money for food and such but keeps the bulk of it. Which is fine by me as he does pay the bulk of the bills. But come on all I asked for was a lousy 20. Am I wrong to let this bother me? I asked him today if we could put are money together and he said no as I would spend it. Yeah right I would. @@ He said I was going with him to the grave so it is all about him. and then he said I owe him half the insurance on the house! Which would be like 800. Is any of this right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
In reply to: visionseer
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 3:29pm

No it isn't right. What an absolutely mean, tight-fisted moron!
Not only is all this unfair to you but he's clearly favouring one child over the others. Nothing like making a child feel second best, huh?

The way I'm working it, you are spending absolutely every penny on home and kids, while he's spending a ton on himself and salting the rest away goodness knows where. Meanwhile, you can't even buy one item of clothing for yourself.

He's worried about you spending money, is he? More likely he's worried about you doing some saving of your own so you can leave his sorry behind!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: visionseer
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 2:37am
I'm sorry you are in that situation. There is domestic financial abuse. I dont know exactly if that is what this is, but i do know that what he is expecting of you is unfair. & i could give you some solutions about making it more fair, but it doesnt sound as if he woudl be willing to put out more. As for the being dishonest part, cash the checks, pay what you need & maybe THEN tell him. After all, as far as *I* am concerened, his money IS your money .... if you didnt do what YOU do, then he coudlnt work to MAKE IT!

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