Worried if dh finds out I'm in therapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Worried if dh finds out I'm in therapy
11
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 12:34am

Hello ladies,

I'm getting closer, and closer to my 1st counseling appointment, but I face this dilemma. Our HMO covers my visits with the counselor at the Domestic Violence center, however if I go that route, I'm afraid my dh will find out since he is the primary insurance holder and that will just give him more fuel in proving he was right all along that I need mental help, and that I need to see someone just like he does. I couldn't stand his smugness, I feel as if I would play right into his hands. I posted a few days ago how he suggested I start taking medication for my depression etc. He half joked about it again over the weekend saying why don't I just give you one of my paxil pills right now. I guess he noticed this was the first time I just acted disengaged, so that was probably his way of trying to get some reaction out of me, but I just ignored it all.....

I do realize that I need to see someone who will give me the help and support that I need for my own happiness and mental health.

The other option is that I pay out of my own pocket, but the problem is he controls all the money, so it'd be very difficult for me to go that route as well.

When I mentioned this to the counselor at the Domestic Violence Center she actually acted a little surprised to hear that I didn't want my husband to know I was going for counseling. Her reaction bothered me a little bit, because I then felt I was being childish and paranoid about this.

I wish I could tell him, yes I am going to counseling becaue your behavior has contributed how I act today, but then I would just be doing the same thing he does, blaming the other person, where the only person I have to blame is myself for dealing with this so long....

I would appreciate any advice anyone might have!

Thanks,

Diana

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 7:27am
Well I can tell you from what i know and thru the place I work for HIPPA is all about your privacy and they respect it wholeheartedly.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:01am
That's odd. Our DV shelter is ALL free of charge BECAUSE of that. I once offered to pay cash, & they said they take NO payment b/c many cant pay cash & they dont want to be submitting to insurance b/c then the abusers may see it .... can you ask about a policy like that? Or ask if there IS somewhere free they can sent you?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 1:27pm

I agree with the other two.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 8:53pm

I really appreciate everyone's advice and I am not planning on sticking with that original counselor because of her reaction to my paranoia! This place is not really a DV shelter it's more of a Christian based organization, affiliated with an organization called the Samaritan Interfaith Counseling Center. It was the place closest to my home that the Natl DV hotline gave me when I asked for information where I could get DV counseling. Perhaps I should have asked for a shelter instead where as mentioned services there would be free. I will look into this tomorrow during the day when it's safe to call.

Thank you, I am so grateful for all the support I've received on this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:09pm
I know I'm a very religious person and a Christian woman, but in all honesty, faith based counseling cannot and will not help when it comes to Domestic Violence.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:08am

Normally, I would read everyone else's posts before I even try to give advice, but this time I'm not going to because I will give you my honest opinion.

Your getting therapy is not a shameful thing. You know you need outside intervention, therefore, you should not worry about what he thinks. You said that he made a joke about "maybe he should give you one of his paxil pills". This only tells me one thing. He is on a depression medication because he is depressed. Let me tell you, from first hand experience, Paxil is a miracle drug. It saved my life, more than once! It does take some getting used to, but once you get past the initial side affects, it gets you to the point that you can and will be able to deal with just about anything. You will react in a calmer state and all those miniscule things will not bother you as much.

I took Paxil for about a year and then we lost our health insurance. My husband, Excuse me, XH as of today, told me that if I had to live my life on drugs, my life wasn't worth living. Several times, I contemplated suicide, but I knew that If I died, my dd's wouldn't know anything about me or my heritage because my X would not share that info with her...not to mention the fact that she would be irreperablly harmed emotionally by her dad. He is and always will be a narcissist. She has had a GAL on her behalf (X wanted it ordered and the report came back against him). and he is really unhappy with it!

My X controlled all of the money too! He told the courts that I was a daily "crack cocaine" addict. The problem with his story is, I passed 3 drug tests that blew that right out of the water. Then he tried to say that I was this alcoholic that couldn't deliver my daughter to school without being drunk. That too, was unfounded!!!

You have/are being manipulated by your H and you need to realize this is domestic abuse. Just because we no longer live in the stone ages, doesn't mean this isn't abuse...just remember...you are very special! All of us are in our own special ways!

HUGEST of HUGS TO YOU!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 9:59am

Dear wishful78,

Thanks for the advice, I didn't realize there could be a difference in counseling. I really appreciate all the support.

I will keep the board posted.

:)

Diana

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:58pm
You're welcome hun.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 1:41pm

I spoke to an actual DV shelter today and I have an appointment with a counselor next Thursday. According to the shelter, what will happen is that I see this counselor but then I go to support groups until a slot is open for me to see a counselor. Also there is psychiatrist on staff that I can see to determine if I need depression medication.

All this is free, which is a big relief for me.

Thanks again, I feel so good right now about myself, I feel as I am finally doing something good for myself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 2:32pm

Yay!


I'm glad you spoke with the shelter!

CL-Blueliner4

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