Yall might appreciate this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Yall might appreciate this...
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 11:29am

I found an old poem I wrote the day I finally had enough with my ex-husband. It was a year after our divorce, but he was continuously terrorizing me. I felt so relieved just to get what I thought on to paper. thought I might share this, since yall might feel the same way. I disagree to an extent on my feelings at the time with some time to really think about it, but I understand my emotions and why I felt that way.

I will never tell our son
About the anger
The hatred
The bruises
The threats
That you hurt him
That you hurt me
That you didn’t want him
That you tried to get rid of him
That you lied and lied and lied
That you made me beg for you to stop
That you made me beg for you to hold him
That you made me beg for every dollar to support him

I will never tell him that you always said you were sorry
That it would never happen again
That you would be sweet and wonderful
Always right up to that point
When you would get bored or hurt or upset
Or under too much stress again
And that other person would creep out
And hurt us for trying to love you
Hurt us for trying to make things ok
Attack us for anything and everything
Trying to make me feel like it was me
When really it was you

I won’t tell him
That I tried so many times
That I forgave you after each and every problem
That I wanted so much for you to love him
That I just couldn’t take it anymore
That I couldn’t stand by and watch while you hurt him
Without caring or concern
Without the slightest conscience about your actions
So oblivious to the harm

He will never know how different you were

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 10:57pm
Oh, Hon, I am so, so sorry you had to endure this torture. I'm so glad you have a wonderful husband now. How is your son? I truly hope your soul no longer feels pain like this and that it never will again.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 9:56am

Big ((HUGS)), Heather.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 9:57am
My son has PTSD and a trauma-induced speech articulation disorder and some quirks leftover from everything that happened. And unfortunately, i incidentally spoke to my ex-husbands girlfriend yesterday who blamed absolutely everything on me, saying I must have done something to deserve it, and is determined to have my son as a part of her and my exes' lives. I'm really hoping nothing more comes of this conversation, but I'm nervous. I have found a new support group in my new town and will start going monday. I'm hoping it will be good.
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thu, 03-31-2011 - 1:15pm
Chipper, just remember, all she is is your ex's girlfriend. She has absolutely NO LEGAL RIGHTS whatsoever. She's throwing gorilla dirt in an attempt to intimidate and scare you. Don't let her psyche you out like that. In fact, if you run into her again, don't even engage. Let her run her mouth all she wants, don't say a word and when she runs down, just turn and walk away. If you don't give her any ammunition, pretty soon she's going to realize she can't have a war with you cause she ain't got no bullets! Hang in there.

Mama Harmony