A year later..do they change?
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| Fri, 06-10-2005 - 8:41pm |
I was in a relationship for 2 yrs with a very controlling man..I loved him in spite of himself, He was jealous many times..over things he imagined in his head. He wanted to know where I was, with who and when I was coming home. If I was late he wanted an explanation. He continously accused me of flirting, I had reached a point where when I walked..I looked down as to not make eye contact with anyone much less a man..it saved me an interogtion of who they where and why where they talking to me. I must have flirted for another man to talk to me. This man also had a loving caring side..thats the man I fell in love with.
The relationship ended a yr ago, I hadnt seen him in 6 mos. I ran into him 2 mos ago and I am wondering can people change? Him and I have talked about his jealousy and control..he readily adnits it was over the top, and he has learned, he tells me he doesnt really know why he was like that.
I am finding my feelings for him are still there and I dont know how to handle them or him..I dont want to go back to the way things where, HE is 56 I am 41

Please think real long and hard on this one hun.
Hi Hope,
This is only my opinion, but I think I would really think that one out. This jealously thing at any age is bad, but the man is 56. Apparently he is not comfortable with himself. I am 50 and cannot even imagine being with someone that is not comfortable with theirselves. With the age difference, I can only see this problem getting worse. There is nothing wrong still having feelings for someone else, but really think about if you want to put yourself in that position again. Is is worth it?
I talked with this guy the other night that I had dated for a while and really liked about 8 months ago. I could tell that if I really wanted, I could resume this relationship. I definitely have a tender spot for him, but thought about how he treated me. I asked him what had he been doing and he gave me the usual that all he has been doing is working in a disgusted way. Now I know this guy recently took two vacations in the past two months. Nothing was said about that. He is a postal clerk, so what is so hard about that? He also recently started playing this gambling machine. I asked him about that and he said he just started doing this in the last couple of weeks.
Okay, the moral to my story. This man isn't going to change, he will always look at at the cup half empty. At 41, do you really want someone who is watching your every move?
This is the neatest time of your life ever. You are totally free. Do you want someone that is going to latch on you and take this away. A partner should complement you, not smother you.
Sorry, if I sound harsh, but you deserve to be loved freely and without question.
Terry
Hi Hope, welcome back -
Any time, and I mean ANY TIME we have contact with our abusers, we run the risk of having the wounds reopened.
CL-Blueliner4