Yet another twist and update

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Yet another twist and update
7
Fri, 12-07-2012 - 6:40pm

Well. This is exhausting in all aspects.  The last post of my last thread, we had filed an emergency motion. Wrong. My attorney filed just a motion. So our court date is the 19th of this month, the original 45 day 'trial' period to see if my boys Dad was a good Dad. So extremely un-nerving. Then, I call to remind him to subpeona CYFD (CPS) because they substaniated the charges, he starts to verbally discourage me. EVEN SAYS I'M LISTENING TO THOSE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PEOPLE TOO MUCH. Can you believe that??????? Wow. That was the last straw for me. I hired a new attorney same day, had to put it on a credit card. :/ BUT, he got on it right away. Said we were already outside the subpeona limit. I guess you have to subpeona 15 days prior to court date. It was already 14 days before.

 

CYFD is subpeoned. The new attorney is helping. I actually feel a bit more positive. I ask everyone for prayers to keep my boys safe, and that everything this man has claimed in the past couple months, (3 court dates) comes back and bites him in the butt.  All the lies, the manipulation is seen through like glass.

 

I appreciate you all so much. xo

 

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 10:48am

FANTASTIC!  That first attorney is the kind that this board just loves to (metaphorically) thwap upside the head.  If you feel up to it, you might consider filing a formal complaint against him with the NM Bar Association, because he most definitely did NOT have yours and the kids' best interests at heart.  I will be praying for a hedge of protection to surround your kids as they continue to be subjected to the abuse by their "father".  I know it seems like 12/19 is a long way off, but hopefully everything you're doing now will pay off.  In the meantime, the waiting can be excruciating, so feel free to come here to vent, read, and get the support you need to continue fighting for your children and yourself.  There is a little acronym that I've been using here for many years, that many of our members have found to be very helpful.  It's called H.A.L.T. It stand for:  Don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.  Even if you don't feel like it, EAT.  Know that he is going to do everything he can to make you Angry, because we make mistakes when we are Angry.  If you're feeling Lonely, call a couple of friends for a get-together, and last but not least, don't get too Tired.  I know sleep is hard to come by when you are under so much stress, but being too Tired can slow your mental processes and cause you to make mistakes.  If you need help sleeping, contact your doctor and explain the situation and ask for something to help you sleep.  There are many new medications out there that work differently than the old "sleep meds" do and are quite effective.  Also, there is a product you can get at the health food store called Bach's Rescue Remedy.  It's a homeopathic tincture that is for acutely stressful situations.  It doesn't do anything but help calm your nerves without leaving you feeling goofy or "stoned".  Many, many of our members swear by it, lol, and continue to use it even after they've left their abuser. 

Thanks for the update.  Know that we are all sending prayers and positive thoughts as you begin this next phase of the battle.  Hopefully, your new attorney is familiar with the judge in the case and knows what it will take to get the decision made it favor of you and the kids.  Keep posting for support, read everything you can to learn more.  As I've said thousands of times before, Knowledge is power, and the more knowledgeable you are about DV, the more powerful  you will be in extracting yourself and your kids from the situation.  Hugs, you are sounding so much better right now.  We're always here for you.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 11:04am
<3 amazingly enough, I am sleeping. I have found Valerian root does the trick on nights I can't calm my mind. Eating. Well yes, I have lost 15 pounds. I can't eat much, but do try here and there. My new attorney is familiar with the judge, he is also familiar with the EX's attorney. I call her devil in a dress. Hugs to you. I am feeling better.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 11:19am
Also, I think I may have to find the boys another counselor. Their current is not trained in DV and thinks it would be in the best interest to keep visitation with their Dad the same. That this is too much transition. And while I agree with her on the transition, I do not agree with her on the visitation. She doesn't understand or relate to what DV does to a person. She also stated that my youngest won't talk about feelings, that he has basically "shut down" and only wants to play. BIG RED FLAG???? I think so! So she says she will continue to try and get him to talk about his feelings but she's not sure he will want to go anymore. This is how their Father lives. He does not talk about, validate, or otherwise acknowledge feelings. It's a big circle.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2009
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 10:25am

Jcsmom2001, I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way, and honestly for all the women struggling on these boards. Your story is heartbreaking. I hope that all works out best for your children. I'm thankful that I do not have children with my husband, though I do still often wish that when I was pregnant before I would've just kept it hiden and broke up with my boyfriend (now husband) then and there and went off to raise the baby on my own. Funny I almost did just that as somehow I just knew he'd get angry that I was pregnant and pressure to abort, but hten I second guessed my own reality and thought I was being too harsh on him. Go figure. Anyway you can't change things can you? The only thing we can change is our present. I think you are being very strong and just know that there are many people on these boards pulling for you. I think there are A LOT more lurkers here than poster, I lurked for a long time and I know I would think about the women on these boards, and hope for them. It truly is such a supportive outlet and a great community of women. Hugs to you during this time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 11:08am
Thank you. This is by far the hardest trial I have ever faced. I am now at the point where I could care less what he says about/to me. But my children are greatly affected by this. Heartbroken to say the least.

 

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 12:54pm

JCSmom,

 

I'm sending you lots of strength and support and hugs.  I really feel for you, I am also in the process of a divorce, it's going to be long, because he will be stretching it out as long as he can.  Would you believe that I did not proceed with my gut feeling and getting out of this mess/marriage 6 years ago just because of the fear of what would happen to my children if he would have shared custody or even visitation.  I have a similar, though less grave than you situation, and to not hi-jack this thread, I'll post it separately.

When the sh!t hit the fan this summer,I lost 10 pounds in 8 days, and I did not have an extra 10 pounds on me.  When I started eating again, I ate eggs often, it seemed to be the only nutrious food I could stomach, anytime of the day and quick to fix.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 10:10am
Thank you for your words. My ex also dragged out our divorce. The crazy thing was, I wasn't asking for much, just wanted it over. 10 months he dragged it out, and he was with someone else! I lost over 35 pounds then, but I had at least that much to lose. I was so extremely unhappy in our marriage that food was my comfort. I left him several times, due to abuse, alcohol, infidelity. But he won me back everytime, using my own words. We will go to church, counseling, I will change. I was wrong. I love you and my sons. You are my family. And he would start helping out around the house, and with the boys. Luckily, I can spare the 15 pounds I lost. ;-) I am thinking of you today, and praying for you in your situation. You did not hijack this thread :-) We all have something in common. My ex, wanted to take my oldest son (then 2 years old) back to the states for an approx 48 hour trip. His Grandpa had died, we were stationed in Italy. I was told both of us had to be ok with him traveling to another country for my son to go. I was not ok with it. He was VERY angry about that, and while he was gone, I got permission to leave with my son from his Commander. We separated that time for 9 months. That night he raged, I ran from the apartment to his Sargents apt. They made him leave our house. They also filed charges, but since I left back to the states, the charges were dropped.