ADVICE

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2001
ADVICE
5
Sun, 06-23-2013 - 9:07am

HI! I need some advice. My sil havent spoken to each other in 4 months. She was married and it ended up in a divorce she has 2 girls they live with her and see their dad often. She was dating a much older man she is 40 and he was 73 years old. She was telling the whole family that he was the one and that God sent him into her life. He has a lot of money and my other sil asked her if he didnt have all this  money would she still be with him and she couldnt answer it. She would call her other sister and complain that no one in the family understands her or the love she had for this older man. Her parents were so upset that they called her a "gold digger" . And she would call Keith up complaining again and the whold family would complain to him. She even told her sister that I approved of their relationship and that I was "SO HAPPY FOR THEM AND THAT THEY MADE A GREAT COUPLE" I NEVER said this and never approved of their relationship just thinking about them made me angry I know why she was dating him for the money.  I did talk to her other sister the week before and told her how I felt about them and she didnt like it either and then she said that to her how I approved. I was ticked off I didnt want anyone in the family thinking this so,Keith called his mom and told her what was said and how I didnt approve of them.  Keith was mad all the time he wasnt himself with me or the kids and he didnt look good at all just grumpy all the time. Then he ended up in the ER thinking he had a heart attack. I called his sister up and told her what had happen and she said that this better not ended up on her shoulders and all I could do was hang up.  She was married for 15 years and told everyone that she "NEEDS" a man in her life and that she has never gone without a boyfriend EVER. And then she started dating this much older man for all the wrong reasons she even prayed to God to give her feeling s for him. After Keith came home I called his other sister and said that I didnt want the first sister to call until he was feeling better and that I didnt want more stress upon him. I even talk to 3 pastor's about this and they all said that it was a good idea. WEll now she is dating another man the older man broke up with her and she was walking on CLOUD NINE she never loved him . She wasnt even heartbroken just relieved and then she starts dating again. The family told her to wait at least 6 months and get to know her kids and herself but she didnt. I dont approve. I feel that she going to loose out on her kids. Now Cassi wants to play with her cousins and I dont want her over their house. I feel that she has hurt the family and that she needs to say sorry to everyone. She doesnt feellthat she has done anything wrong. And I cant understand why. Her only brother was in the ER getting check out for a heart attack but it was just a bad gas attack brought on by stress and she doesnt see that at all. I dont feel the need to call her.  Her other sister wont talk to me and she just walks away from me . I told her that I didnt want any more stress on KEith and she said that it was up to Keith to decide if her other sister should call and I told her it was up to me I was taking care of him and I told her about how he was before. And ever since then she has been stand offish to me . I told KEith go ahead and call just dont tell me what is said . I think that she is being selfish to her kids and not getting to know them and to herself. She has an older daughter who is 13 years old and I cant help but think what she is telling her that she should always have a male in her life . And I dont know what to say to Cassi? Should I tell her the truth? or just let the kids play? even thoughI dont approve of her life? She is still hanging out with the older man and her new boyfriend they all hang out together and she thinks it great I personnaly think its TACKY. I just dont know what to do. Thanks, from,Katie

Avatar for lizmvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 12:13am

I wouldn't tell your daughter that you think her aunt is a gold digging loser. Why can't you just have the cousins over to your home, where you can hopefully show them that they're loved for the right reasons and maybe curtail any damage that you think your SIL is doing in parenting them?

I also am not really sure why you care if the divorced SIL is being stand offish to you at this point. That's fine, in my opinion. Her actions aren't bringing out the best in you--you all are gossipping about her. So, it's probably best that you have less interaction with her. That way she can't as easily convince anyone that you approve of her lifestyle choices, too--how could she tell others that you are approving if you aren't even involved or knowing of her choices?

My advice is to not make the kids suffer any more than they already are. Have the cousins spend time together under your supervision.

Liz


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 6:50am

Hi! First Keith has 2 sisters one who is divorce and the other is married.  Its the other sister who isnt divorce who is giving me the cold shoulder. The cousins of the divorce sil her kids I cant stand sorry I love kids but her's are so rude,they have no manners. And when Cassi plays with them she cames home acting like they do. Teh way the divorce sil acts just makes me sick she acts so stupid around men and even in her marriage she acted this way.  I'll have KEith just talk to her and not me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-1999
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 8:03am
Hi Katie! Hmmm, are the two men always hanging out at her house? I would be a bit apprehensive if they are about letting my dd go play over there. I would much rather the kids play at my house. I think letting Keith talk to his sisters is good idea. So sorry the one sister is giving you the cold shoulder. Praying for this situation to be reconciled. {{{{Hugs}}}}

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-1999
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 8:05am

Hi Katie!  I would be a bit apprehensive about my dd going over there to play.  I would rather the kids play at my house where I could keep an eye on things.  Sorry the one sister is giving you the cold shoulder. Letting Keith talk to his sisters is a good idea.  I will be praying this situation gets reconciled very soon.  {{{{Hugs}}}}


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2001
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 2:54pm

HI! I just found out last night that Keith will not call them up. He said that the phone works both ways. He also, doesnt know what to say to them at all.He is waiting for them to call.The first sil and I were friends since the 7th grade. As, for her  new boyfriend we were told that he is over the house very early in the morning and that the second sil said that and she didnt knowif he was living there. And the second sil hubby doesnt argee with this relationship either but I get the blame and not him.Which is normal if the world was going to end it would be my fault no matter what.Cassi hasnt mention them lately either.